Saturday, January 24, 2009

I know I've kind of been hot and cold, hot and cold in my posts recently. It's obviously how I am in life right now. I can't help it.

Yesterday, I had a little bit of a wake up call. You could call it a much needed helping hand, an act of God, whichever. I realize now, as I write this, that it isn't so surprising that it would happen at work instead of on the home front, if for the reason that I'm in a completely different environment and new things are bound to happen there. (Please don't get me wrong, new things happen at the Garver household hourly, minutely even...but they mostly involve my immediate family and even though time consuming are not terribly surprising. We all know Sam's fondness of laundry detergent and soap.)

I was helping out a patient, when the phone rang. There, at the time, were two other people who could answer the phone, but I instinctively and without thinking answered it first. The very nice lady on the other end of the phone asked to speak to Dr. Milne. We get calls like this a lot...where people think they can call in and actually speak to the doctor immediately. It's not uncommon, but this call was. I proceeded to do my job and explained that he was in surgery and unable to come to the phone but that I could help her and at least get her information so that he could call her back. She paused briefly and then proceeded to inform me that she was concerned about the need for having one of her teeth extracted and wondered if it was really all that necessary. Again, we get calls like this a lot, too. Knowing that I would have to put on my reassuring cap and getting prepared to do so, she launched into the rest of the reason for her call to speak to the doctor directly. She has just found out that she has terminal cancer. She only has 2 months to live. Her concern was whether or not having this tooth pulled or not would improve the quality of the life she has left.

I softly told her that I was sorry for her news and would give the information to Dr. Milne and he would call her back.

I wrote the simple note for Dr. Milne to find and respond to. And then it hit me. No matter how hard life can get...there is always someone who has it worse than you. I mean, I already knew this, we all know it. I just haven't thought about it for a while. But I thought about it now and I'm grateful that I made it to the ladies room before the water works started. Unfortunately, I realized quickly that it was going to last longer than a trip to the bathroom. I went back to the office and clocked out, proceeded to the break room and wept. I prayed that no one would require anything from the breakroom, because I didn't want to have to explain to anyone why I was so absurdly emotional.

It wasn't that I was sad for this dear woman, I was and am, but that's not the reason for the tears. It wasn't because my life has been thrown for a loop in the last month, or the reason for the loop throwing, none of it came into my mind. I was sobbing because I am grateful. Truly grateful. I couldn't stop offering thanks to my Father in Heaven for the many blessings that are abundant in my life and that I've neglected to recognize or appreciate. I could clearly see His hand at work, performing miracles for me, tender mercies for me and my heart was full. I felt a little guilty, of course, for not seeing this so clearly sooner.

I know I've been trying very hard to be positive and really working towards this...I just needed a little push to get me there completely, and it couldn't have come at a better time.

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