Turkey Chili

We all try to find recipes for leftover turkey that our families will love. So, here's what I did with my turkey this time, or at least part of it anyway:

1 pound or so turkey
1 16oz can tomatoe sauce
1 can of diced tomatoes (these were flavored with garlic, oregano, basil)
1 can of white beans (drained)
1 can of kidney beans (drained)
3/4 cup onion (I sauted this with the turkey)
1 large rounded teaspoon of garlic (again, sauted with the turkey)
1 teaspoon basil
2 1/2 teaspoons of Chili powder
1/4 teaspoon of pepper
1/4 teaspoon of salt (I'm estimating here, it may have been less)

um...I think that's it. Anyway, I just put all of that in a pan after I sauted the onions a bit with the turkey and garlic. I let it come to a boil on medium for a few minutes and that's it. It was sooooo good!

Then we had some corn bread with it. To make that I use one box Jiffy corn mix and 1 box yellow cake mix, I follow the package directions for both and just combine them. You have to use a huge pan for this, but just stick it in the oven at about 350 for about 20-30 minutes depending on your oven.

Good dinner. :) I love turkey.

Good people.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27930688

The first story in the article was so uplifting...there are such good people out there. When you move onto the second, be prepared with a box of tissue...actually you might need it with the first.

I'm very grateful for my friends and family. We had a wonderful meal today and we are feeling better. We have so much to be thankful for.

I can't help but think about Susan (my foster mother..mother of choice...take your pick) today. What an amazing woman. She's very often in my thoughts and today especially as I think of how very fortunate I am, and how much I have to be thankful for because of her example. I sure do love you and can't wait to see you again.

I feel so very blessed.

Thanksgiving foiled again...

Last year, just before Thanksgiving we all got sick. I think that it's a tradition actually, for me at least, to get sick on Thanksgiving. I know there was a year at some point way back when that I didn't get sick, but it's been so long ago. Not wanting to break that tradition, we are cancelling Thanksgiving again this year.

I'm totally bummed. I know that Vickie, Jon's mom, understands, but man I feel bad. We are truly sick, no more fevers, but we have a nasty cough lingering that just hurts and makes us feel miserable. I know this is something that we cannot control, but come on...it would be nice to get a break.

I'll still make a nice dinner and we'll still do family things, but we just won't have our extended family over, which bums me out. Not to mention that I don't get to try Vickie's Oatmeal cake...and I was so looking forward to that!

Maybe I'll just hunker down and get ready for Christmas and put up our decorations...it's not too early and it would be a fun thing to do.

Climbers...blah

We all have them. Children who fervently believe they are monkies....today that child for me is Sam. She's been climbing on everything! I just don't even understand the thinking behind some choices. Logically, one would think that if you pulled out a drawer, which was already heavy with cds and dvds, and stood in said drawer and hopped up and down that it would be too much for that cabinet to handle. Well, obviously it was not logical to my 2-year-old. I heard a muffled crash and thought better to not ignore it (Sometimes I sigh thinking of all the times I have to rush out of my seat during the day to tend to an emergency...who needs to actually plan time to work out?) and rushed to see what the damage was. Totally irritated that people can't keep their hands on their own things around here, I was probably stomping toward the disaster. I found Sam crying and saying over and over, "I'm sorry, mommy!" How can I honestly be upset with her? What a sweetheart. She knew she had made the mistake, I just wish that it would have been before she knocked over the entertainment dresser/cabinet. Oh well, who needs electronics anyway? We need simpler times. I just hope no actual damage was done and thank goodness that the TV cord didn't get wrapped up in the mess and came flying off the wall...I shudder to think of it.

Ok, crisis contained and alas, things are reasonably back into their regular position. Off to organize my coupons and play with Alex and Sam.

Twilight take 2

Ok, so I promised my friend I would go to Twilight with her today and I saw it a second time. I told myself that I would look at it new and objectively without thinking constantly about what they were doing differently in the book.

The conclusion is that I love it! It was actually a very good movie, I actually enjoyed Rob's performance better this time and it was so much more a pleasant experience.

I'm thrilled that they are going to do a second movie now. I can't wait! :)

So if you were debating on whether or not to see it from my last post, ingore it and watch this...it was very good, and there were scenes that were very sweet, that I didn't necessarily allow myself to appreciate the first time - I'm sure that was partly due to the screaming girls...(this time there were only older women and some men, but we kept ourselves in check a lot better).

So there.

Twilight 2 cents worth....

Look at me..getting all fancy and putting a picture in my post and everything. That man is just yummy.

Ok, so I saw the movie. I don't know where to begin. First of all, did I like it....sort of. Will I buy the movie when it comes on DVD? Probably.

I thought that Kristen Stewart did a great job protraying Bella. Keep in mind that I LOVE Rob Pattinson...but I didn't necessarily enjoy his interpretation of Edward. Of course, Edward is like, the most classy, wonderful, beautiful vampire man in the known world....and I imagine it would be very hard, if not impossible, for any actor to fill those shoes. Having said that, do I think that he could have still done a better job...absolutely. Is this going to take away from Rob Pattinson as an actor in my eyes? No, not really...I still really like him. There was still something left to be desired, in my opinion (and we all know how desirable Edward is)....sigh.

So, what it comes down to is that I hope that a ton of people go to see this movie and that they make a ton of cash so that the next movies will be absolutely above and beyond what this should have been. There were funny parts, overacted parts that were totally laughable (not in a good way laughable)...like when Edward "smells" Bella for the first time, when I read the book I pictured Edward grimacing, but having a lot more composure than Rob protrayed him in the film, he honestly looked like he was going to barf, but the Edward I think of would never show weakness in that way.

I don't know...it was good...but bad at the same time. I just don't know what to think. Things were sort of thrown out of place a lot. The kiss scene was really good, but again, the book did it so differently and I think that they could have just followed that part a bit better.

It was good, it was just not what I expected. I understand that they have to cut a lot out, but come on....Hollywood should know with this fan base that we'd be willing to sit through an 8 hour movie....well, 6 hours at least. So really they don't need to cut so much out next time. LOL

Blah...I just don't know what to think on this one. I'm at a loss for any more words.

Life list

So, Jon got me something while he was away, and I feel thoughtless that I didn't do the same for him. Anyway, he got me something that was just very me...Hard Rock Hotel PS3 drum sticks. LOL I know it may seem silly to most of you, but I love them! They have flames that go up the sticks. Very nice. I'm looking forward to putting them to the test...maybe they'll help me play better? I seriously doubt it, especially since you have to actually play frequently to get better, but I look forward to giving them a shot anyway.

I never have learned to play an instrument, but this is fun.

So, here's the scoop. I was talking to a friend of mine, Theresa (she helped me with the class, and I'm sure it wouldn't have turned out for the better without her help) and she said that they were doing life lists at their house. I asked her what that meant and she said that everyone was writing down things that they wanted to accomplish in their lifetime, not by a certain date or time (in fact, she said that they purposely didn't put a time limit on these things). I thought this a very interesting thing and remembered that when I was about 14 or 15 I did the same thing, of course, I cannot find that list anywhere, maybe it's in an old journal or something buried or forever lost. I remember on that list I had wanted to be an orthodontist by the time I was 25 (how naive I was then to think I would finish school in that short of a time and a residency) and that I wanted to have read The Book of Mormon, things like that.

Obviously, I'm not an orthodontist. I do work in the dental field, but by no means am close to that goal, or have any desire for that at this point in my life now. I have read The Book of Mormon front to back since that time, but I can only count once that that has happened. I usually skip around and read all over the place depending on my mood, which is pretty sad considering I'm going to be 30 next month...

So, I was thinking about doing a new list. I would like to challenge you to do the same actually because I think that it would be fun. Here's a few things that I can come up with that I don't mind sharing:

Read The Book of Mormon front to back. (I can't put a number on the amount of times to read it, so I'll just leave it at that...I don't know that such a number really could exist anyway.)

Have another baby (Jon would tell you he would rather I forgot about this one, but I just can't. And, since I wanted to be done by the time I was 30, and that is obviously not going to happen, who knows!)

This is really lame and silly, I know, but I can't help putting it on the list because I'm that vain....but get a tummy tuck! LOL (Hey, I don't think that my body was supposed to react as badly as it did when having kids...even my doctor said it was really uncommon.)

I'll probably regret putting this on the list someday, but run a marathon. (This also implies loosing about 50lbs or so....)



Ok, that's enough for now. I've got to get some more things done that don't have to be on any list, they just have to get done...

Whew!

So, it's over. I did it. Although, my voice is nearly gone now. The coupon class was a success. I think people learned something they didn't know before they came. I don't know how much that was, things took a direction I didn't necessarily mean it to, just meaning that I kept letting myself get off track and jumbled around quite a bit trying to touch bases on so many different aspects of couponing. I'm a very one track mind gal and when I get off subject it is hard for me to remember where to jump back on the train to make sense. I'm going to try something a little different. I'm going to get myself organized in the next few weeks, hopefully sooner, so that I can help people copy cat. I'll tell you where I'm going to get my deals, what coupons I use to get my deals so whoever wants to do the same can.

I don't know how successful I'll be at this, mostly because I keep so many things in my head all the time. It's crazy. I can't explain it any other way than I see a number for an item and automatically my mind breaks it down. Instantly I remember what coupon could go with it, where I have it placed and whether or not I can use a doubler with it and whether or not another store has a similar deal...then I break that number down until I can get that item for the least cost to me. But I don't know why my brain works like this, it just does it automatically such that I'm going to have to try very hard to write down the process it takes me to come up with the "deal"....and even now I'm not sure that I'm making sense so that you even know what I'm talking about! ACK! So, I guess instead of saying I got this for this price, I'm going to try to tell you how I came up with that price at all. I've got some figuring to do.

Jon comes home tonight! Yippie! I can't wait to see him. I've missed him. The kids have missed him, too.

Now, I think I'm going to watch part three of Pride and Prejudice...I've never seen it before and am actually enjoying it. I'm thinking of getting Jane Austen's complete works...we'll see.

Oh, and for the record, my foot is killing me! This last August I was racing Austin on a scooter and I fell up the driveway...I know nice, right...who falls UP? Well, I wasn't too smart and wore flip flops while doing this and when I fell I slammed my foot into the driveway and took the skin off all my toes and the top of my foot. I hit the top of my foot so hard and my foot was swollen and black and blue and looked horrible for weeks. I toughed it out and never got it looked at. Since that time, the top of my foot has hurt so badly, at times it has become unbearable and I've taken some old Vicodin left over from an ear infection some time ago. I don't know they can do anything about it since it's been months, but something is seriously wrong with it and I think that I'm going to have to go in now to have it looked at. Since I was standing on my feet for the class tonight it's worse and I took my shoe off and it's swollen..that's not a good sign. I think I have a few Vicodin left which might work even if they are a few years old. I really don't like to take pain meds, but man how...this stinks.

Enough babble for now. I really am a good babbler...hehe.

Last night I read the scripture and prayer myself (naturally since I'm the only one who can read fluently) and our little discussion was quite interesting. It always both validates and surprises me how much my children know about the scriptures. I try, don't always succeed, at quizzing the boys about the scriptures after they are read to see if they have any understanding...last night I informed them before I read that I was going to quiz them so they could prepare and really think about what I was going to read. Here's how the discussion went:

I read: D&C 58: 42-43: "Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins - behold, he will confess them and forsake them."

I asked Alex first what he thought that meant and what Heavenly Father wanted us to learn from this scripture, he said, "Um, it means that we need to be great to everyone and be baptised."

Not sure he actually heard the scripture, but getting a really good response nonetheless, I moved on to Austin. He replied, "It means that when we say a naughty word we need to tell Heavenly Father we are really sorry. I always tell him I'm sorry when I say a naughty word. Then He says, 'ok'."

So, wow. I was rather pleased he got something out of that, maybe it's just great teaching on Sister Dube's part, or mine or Jon's, but he got it somewhat. (By the way, the naughty word to which he is referring is "oh my gosh".)

Anyway, I proceeded to tell them that those answers were really great, but that I wanted them to be sure to know that after they said that they were sorry they needed to not do that again and that was what it meant in the scripture to "forsake".

There you have it. It was a very good discussion.

Feeling anxious.

Jon's going to be leaving this week for only a few days, but it's been years since he had to go to a seminar or anything. The last time he left to go play with a friend in Vermont, I went to pieces. I literally cried, uncontrollably for the entire time he was gone. Granted at that time I was pregnant with morning sickness(I can't remember if I was on bedrest at that point in the pregnancy or not as well), and the flu and taking care of a very sick toddler...but still, it was a rough time. I don't see that happening this time by any means, but it makes me nervous to know he's going to be gone.

I rely on him a lot. He's such a good man, the best man for me. :)

Then, I finally have to teach the coupon class this week on Friday. That makes me nervous on account that I haven't taught a huge group before, so we'll see how that goes. I'll post when it's finished to let everyone know how it turned out. With luck it will go how I have planned and everyone will understand what I'm talking about....

We're feeling better today, all of us. I think we had food poisoning from pizza from Austin's birthday. All of us were sick yesterday (I actually fell asleep three times due to exhaustion). Poor Sam was having a hard time making it to the toilet, and she's really good about that. She's not had any troubles today now, so I think the worst is behind us. Thankfully.

Ok, I've got to get going to start dinner. I've got to get a bunch of dictation done still before the end of the night.

For FHE tonight we'll be watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon that Austin got for his birthday, which is officially tomorrow actually. ;)

Agh!

So I think that I may be starting to get Austin's cold/flu thing. I don't feel well. I haven't curled up on the couch for a while with the boys to watch a cartoon or video while Sam took a nap for a long time. Today I did and fell completely asleep. We were watching some sort of Playhouse Disney cartoon, and I don't even remember what it was. Anyway, I woke up to Sam's muffled cries. She was sitting on the floor next to the couch right by my head pouting. Apparently there was no room for her to squish in and cuddle too. It cracked me up. I picked her up and placed her on my lap after some adjustments and Austin very kindly moved over so she could fit. It's amazing how just a simple gesture can improve someones outlook so drastically. She was so very content in sitting with me and stopped crying immediately. What a sweetheart my children are. I love how they are very aware of each other and each other's feelings...sometimes.

Funny!

Ok, so I was reading the news online and something caught my eye about Twilight....I clicked on it and this is what I found...the lost script. I laughed so hard...

http://movies.msn.com/movies/galleryfeature/lost-twilight-script/?photoidx=1

You have to go through all the photos and click off to the side for the dialog....cracks me up.

Leave Out All The Rest

Ok, all you Twilight fans..there's a song on the soundtrack that is really good and it's been stuck in my head. (Ya, I know I'm pathetic...I got the soundtrack.)

Here's the words:

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
when I'm done here?

So if your asking me
I want you to know

When my times comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I'm shed but I'm me

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if your asking me
I want you to know

When my times comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my times comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
and save me from myself
I can't be who you are, I can't be who you are


There is a lot of really good music on this cd, a wide range of artists, including a couple of songs from Rob Pattinson (the guy who plays Edward in the movie coming out)...his song style and music is very interesting, but I actually really like it...very Jeff Buckley, who I really like, too.

So that's it I guess...it's just stuck in my head and I thought I'd share.

Other than that, nothing exciting to report. Austin has a really high fever and started getting sick last night before dinner. I just gave him some Motrin on account that his temp was 103.7...which for him isn't too terrible, but still rather high. I thought I'd try to get it to come down a little bit at least. I don't usually worry so much with him until it gets past 104.3....which at the rate he's going could happen tonight. Oh joy. At least I get to go to a meeting tonight so I can escape it for a few hours right?

Sunday's lesson in Relief Society

I was so moved during the lesson in Relief Society this past Sunday, I was going to blog about it yesterday, but my heart was too full and I knew things would come out in a mush or I would fall to pieces...again. There's no hope that I will keep a dry eye now. I'm sure some of the ladies in the ward thought I was a boob because I just couldn't keep the tearing from spilling over.

Sister Boswell is such an inspired leader. She allowed the spirit to direct her during her lesson and I have no doubt that is why the spirit spoke so strongly to me. She gave great insite to the times of these letters as well. Anyway, here's some of the letters:

To Emma Smith on October 13, 1832, from New York City, New York: “This day I have been walking through the most splendid part of the city of New York. The buildings are truly great and wonderful, to the astonishing of every beholder. … After beholding all that I had any desire to behold, I returned to my room to meditate and calm my mind; and behold, the thoughts of home, of Emma and Julia, rush upon my mind like a flood and I could wish for a moment to be with them. My breast is filled with all the feelings and tenderness of a parent and a husband, and could I be with you I would tell you many things. …
“I feel as if I wanted to say something to you to comfort you in your peculiar trial and present affliction [Emma was pregnant at the time]. I hope God will give you strength that you may not faint. I pray God to soften the hearts of those around you to be kind to you and take the burden off your shoulders as much as possible and not afflict you. I feel for you, for I know your state and that others do not, but you must comfort yourself knowing that God is your friend in heaven and that you have one true and living friend on earth, your husband.”3
To Emma Smith on November 12, 1838, from Richmond, Missouri, where he was being held prisoner: “I received your letter, which I read over and over again; it was a sweet morsel to me. O God, grant that I may have the privilege of seeing once more my lovely family in the enjoyment of the sweets of liberty and social life. To press them to my bosom and kiss their lovely cheeks would fill my heart with unspeakable gratitude. Tell the children that I am alive and trust I shall come and see them before long. Comfort their hearts all you can, and try to be comforted yourself all you can. …
“P.S. Write as often as you can, and if possible come and see me, and bring the children if possible. Act according to your own feelings and best judgment, and endeavor to be comforted, if possible, and I trust that all will turn out for the best.”

Wow. Be still my heart Joseph! What an amazing comfort Emma must have felt when she read those words, "I feel for you, for I know your state and that others do not, but you must comfort yourself knowing that God is your friend in heaven and that you have one true and living friend on earth, your husband."

To Emma Smith on November 12, 1838, from Richmond, Missouri, where he was being held prisoner: “Tell little Joseph he must be a good boy; Father loves him with a perfect love. He is the eldest and must not hurt those that are smaller than him, but comfort them. Tell little Frederick Father loves him with all his heart; he is a lovely boy. Julia is a lovely little girl. I love her also. She is a promising child. Tell her Father wants her to remember him and be a good girl. Tell all the rest that I think of them and pray for them all. … Little Alexander is on my mind continually. O my affectionate Emma, I want you to remember that I am a true and faithful friend to you and the children forever. My heart is entwined around yours forever and ever. Oh, may God bless you all, amen. I am your husband and am in bands and tribulation.”

When Joseph speaks to his children and calls them by name and gives direction to them it reminds me of the how Alma and Helaman where with their children, and the strippling warriors. What a blessing for them to know, not only is their father acutely aware of them and their wants and needs, but also that the prophet is praying for them.

Good grief. There is just so much I want to discuss. There is so much we have to learn from that man. I can only hope that just these few letters leave you with a desire to read this lesson. It's very touching.

Ok, I've got a clean up to tend to, I would love to write more, but we all know how that goes.

Good deed done.

So, I had something happen to me today that I've never had happen. I was getting one of the new salted carmel hot chocolates from Starbucks...a guilty pleasure. I was in the drive thru because it was pooring rain and I didn't want to get soaked...it was bad enough I had to roll down my window. Anyway, I went to pay and the gal told me that the guy in front of me had already paid for my drink! Can you believe that?! What was even more funny was that I was complaining to myself after ordering about how I was going to spend $4.00 on this drink when I get an entire grocery cart full of food for about that same price. I was telling myself that it's ok to indulge every once in awhile and trying to talk myself out of feeling bad and then that happens! How funny is that?! So, I had to pay for the person's order behind me, but I got a deal still because that was only $2.15! Kind of made my day....doesn't take much, but it was really cool.

Today was a good day. I ended up getting all the laundry folded and actually put away! That, in itself, was a huge accomplishment and I think you'd agree if you saw how huge the pile was! Then we got the entire downstairs picked up, with exception of my office...but I'm not sure that will ever be organized and I've kind of resolved myself to the fact that it just is going to be rather lived in messily for awhile. I've got other things to worry about that are more of a priority..like people.

Austin has been riding the bus. He actually likes it a lot. I've been enjoying walking the couple of blocks to the stop to pick him up. It's been kind of funny how much Alex talks during that time. He's such a sweet spirit. He was telling me today about how he found a coupon in the bushes yesterday and couldn't believe I didn't pick it up. I told him that I didn't even see any coupon on the ground because surely I would have picked it up. "That's what I thought, mom, I knew you didn't saw it." When we went by the same bush it was still there today and I saw that it was only an ad, not a coupon. I regret now that I didn't pick it up, not because Alex thought it was a coupon, but because it was a good opportunity for him to see that even if I didn't want that particular thing it would be good to pick up the trash and take care of it. I didn't think about it until we were home. Maybe I'll bring a bag so we can pick up trash along our route to and from the bus stop so he has the opportunity to help in his community. (Maybe if he is so willing to pick up outdoors the desire to do that indoors will be greater?...I know...wishful thinking.)

Anyway, I've got to get some work done before it gets too much later. Hope this finds you all well.

Benign!

So, one of the lumps is a benign cyst and the other is a "fatty nodule". I'm quite relieved. Whew! :)

Blah!

I'm completely nervous and anxious, I can't even say. I found a lump in my breast a couple of months ago and immediately made an appointment to see my doctor...they couldn't get me in to see them until this last Monday. So, I thought, I won't worry because there's no point in doing so until I know what to be worried about. A month after that I found another lump, in my other breast. Still, I remained calm and placed my fears on the Lord. How incrediblely peaceful I was about this. I hardly gave it any more thought actually.

Then I saw the doctor on Monday and was relieved because then I would know what was going on. But then, when the doctor told me that he wasn't sure what to make of one of the lumps, I felt sick. Why was I panicking now? I have had months to think about this, why am I so nervous now...it's driving me crazy. He told me that he wanted me to wait another 3-4 weeks, 4 weeks max, and then if it was still there then I needed to call and they would get me in for imaging immediately. One thing he kept saying was that I was so young...and so that was good. But hey, let's face it...I'm going to be 30 in about a month...which is still young, but older.

So, after hearing that I started thinking that maybe I should just get the imaging done now. I met my deductible when I was hospitalized in June for ectopic pregnancy....why wait? I called the doctor and he agrees now is a good time as any to start that process and I'm going in to start the process in a couple of hours. I don't even need to wait long....but it's long enough.

Maybe that's why I've thought so much about all sorts of weird things in the last few days...Blah...I have to get ready to go.

On the way to healing, I think.

I've been thinking lately a lot about my mom. As you all know, her illness has brought me a lot of heart ache throughout my life. I resolved myself some time back that I would not allow her to be part of my life...only on very limited terms. I did this to protect my own sanity and my family. I try not to talk to her too often, and I don't even allow her to have my home phone number or address.

I chose this more extreme course of action after the last police visit a couple of years ago...or almost a couple of years ago, on that Sunday morning. It makes me sick to think about it. It is still mind boggling to me that she would accuse me of child abuse, drug use and child starvation....all because I can only imagine the voices in her head told her this. I'll never forget how one of the officers held his hand on his gun the whole time and ordered my husband to sit down in his own home. It just makes me angry. And the fact that they left no cupboard unopened and that they went through my personal things, I felt very violated. I felt relief afterwords, however, when they realized that this was a mistake and that an appology was in order, that we provided a good home and seemed like a very loving family.

Having said all of that, recently I've been re-thinking my stance on allowing her more contact with us. There were so many other things, other hurts that I just can't seem to get over or deal with very well, but I'm trying. I know that she's a wonderful, very giving person...now. She's better, but I still can't help thinking that at what point is it going to get bad again?

This is something that I'm really struggling with, I just don't know what to do. I discussed it briefly with Jon the other night that I was thinking I might invite her to come to Thanksgiving. He said that he wasn't sure it was a good idea. I know he knows I struggle with this and he is such a support to me, especially when dealing with her and all the absolutely crazy, outlandish things that she's come up with over the years. So, I feel bad about wanting to let her back in, albeit only for a day or two, because I don't want Jon to hurt if I hurt...does that make sense? And furthermore, I know that if I do let her come she's going to press to come more...which I'm not sure I can handle.

So, what do you think? What should I do? Do I allow more time for healing and just keep going on and doing what I've been doing...only allowing phone calls? Do I allow her to come back into my life, my children's lives, on a trial basis to give things a go again? It's all overwhelming. My heart hurts and I just don't know what to do. I rely on my Father in Heaven so much in this case, but I'm torn between several reasonable options and I just don't know which one is what He wants me to do. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. ACK!