I honestly don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. It was never my intention to bag out and quit blogging...it just sort of happened. So many things have happened over the last year, and I do realize that it has been almost an entire year since I last posted.
I do use Facebook though! I'm under Rebecca Garver...which I think is pretty obvious, but you never know.
I guess I just wanted to come on here and say that I feel my Savior's love for me these days. A friend of mine is going through a rough patch, not similar to mine, but she doesn't have the knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan, or feel Christ's love and perfect brightness of hope in her life. I worry for her.
Despite the fact that there is a possibility that I might not be able to have another child, I feel comforted. I feel the strong embrace of the Savior and the power of His touch in my life. I cannot possibly know why the things that happen happen sometimes, but I cannot question Heavenly Father's love for me. I cannot thank Him enough for sparing my life so that I can live it with my sweet husband and children.
The last week has been probably the most painful of my life. Like, considering actual physical pain. But I'm getting through it. Each day the stairs are easier to manage. Last night I slept through the night completely. Today I applied make-up, and despite the fact that I'm still so utterly pale, it helped me to feel better. I went to work, only for an hour or so, but I wasn't too winded, and I managed.
Little things. I'm noticing the little things today that I normally don't give a second thought to--well, I'm grateful for them. I feel blessed to be able to do them.
I'm still slow and have a heavy heart. Ridiculous things still set me off, and I cry. I cry, a lot, for me. But it's okay. I'm going to cry it out if I want to. It's been a week. I need more time and I'm going to take it. And I'm going to cry.
Tomorrow another sweet sister is going to be taking my children for me in the morning so I can rest. The love we've received from our Relief Society has been astounding, and very much appreciated. The meals that have been provided in my absence and since I've been home have been lovely and nurishing and just...so terrific. Last Monday I had my grocery list completed and planned to shop in the afternoon with Sam. I never made it, of course, so those meals provided so lovingly on our behalf saved us. I'm so grateful.
While I've got a ways to go, quite a lot actually, it doesn't seem too far. It doesn't seem to daunting or unrealistic or unmanagable. I'm grateful for this.
I'm grateful for so many things.