RRR

A muted joy.

2011-01-30T03:13:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I hate it when I can't let go of something sometimes. It's like my brain gets stuck, and it doesn't rest until I talk it out or write it out. So I'm writing it out because little listening ears are around all the time--and today of all days, well, yesterday now, should be a happy day.

Austin won the Pinewood Derby! How exciting and wonderful and I'm just...so happy for him! He put in a lot of work into that car, along side his dad, that paid off. There were hang ups. Definitely. He's been working on that car for about 3 weeks now. I regret not taking pictures of his progress.

He and his dad took a lot of time deciding which car style he wanted. They looked online at many different types of cars. I remember Austin complaining for a few days after he sawed the whole car in half that his arm hurt. He kept asking if his car looked cool, after only sanding for a few minutes.

I was pleased to see the effort and time he put into this was done in excitement, at how just...everything was shaping up. He was so excited. Is excited.

Yesterday when he won the first time, he was beyond estatic. I think he gave a whoop and you couldn't wipe the grin off his face. I was down at the finish line, and he exclaimed, "I won!" Yet, when another child told him he won and offered him encouragement, he returned it..."I think you got second!" Not...an in your face...ha! I was pleased.

The second time he won, he was incredulous. I was once again at the finish line and once again saw his reaction and joy at having won a second time. Excited is an understatement. Seriously.

Wouldn't you know, Grandma and Papa were there and excited as ever and said, "I can't believe he won!" And we, his family, were all just...excited.

Yet.

Yet knowing other kids, and parents, didn't win that particular race...I told my son something that I sorta regret.

Let me back up a little. Last year, Austin didn't even place. He put in the same sort of effort, but the result was not the same. This year, we explained to him before we went that there were a lot of cars. That his chances of winning were slim to none and it wasn't about winning, but the adventure of building the car with his dad and getting to use the cool power tools, etc. So, he was excited regardless.

After he won the second race, I pulled him aside and said, "There are other kids who haven't won a race yet. You may not win again...it could have just been chance that you won two times already. So don't show your excitement." Yeah, we can all have a collect sigh about what a crap mother move that was. And honestly it was in response to another parent's grimace. Which is so stupid on my end.

As a parent of more than one child, it's often I have the opportunity to witness the differences in my children. What one is good at, the other isn't.

Austin is a great kid. His spirit is one of the pure ones folks. His heart is so tender and open to just about...everything, and I have no doubt he's growing up to be a fine young man. He's learning lessons that will forever remain with him. He's growing up. But Austin struggles. He works so hard all the time to often...fail. He's behind in reading at school and this plays a huge role in his confidence and his ability to want to do extra things. He's often saying the wrong thing by mistake...and yes, he gets that from me.

Scouting has been something he loves. It's been something encouraging for him and has set him on a path that I like. While there have been some hangs up with the program, he has not let that discourage him from trying his very hardest to succeed in all that he does. I'm so proud of him.

I guess, I just hope he remembers this experience as a positive one. Even despite the parent politics that I just...honestly didn't even know existed because we're so new to the program. But exist anyway. I shouldn't let what someone else says or feels about the derby influence or change my opinion of it. And I certainly should be able to openly praise my own son for his efforts and ultimately his win because of it. And I shouldn't feel badly about it.

But I do. Because that's me. So instead of being his excitable happy self tomorrow at church, which I honestly would love to see, I'll likely once again, ask him to put mute on it. For the sake of others...so no one feels bad.

The funny thing is...he's taking it in stride, and yes...he's still excited. As he should be. It's me that feels the experience was sullied by an opinion that was not my own. And I just need to let that go.

And I need to finally go to sleep and stop worrying about this. Seriously.

Giving up what I want most for what I want right now.

2010-12-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

I could just leave the title of this blog post like that, and let you ponder this on your own, but I'll ramble along and give you my thoughts anyway. However, I would encourage you to think about how this applies to you in your life now.

Today in Sacrament meeting I had the opportunity to listen to our Stake Relief Society President speak. I'm sorry, but I forget her name. It was enlightening. She told the story of a book she used to read about Cookie Monster. Remember him? I think they've made him a fanatic of veggies now--which is ridiculous if for the simple fact that cookies are WAY better than veggies. Meh, anyway. Cookie Monster was on a quest for the ultimate joy and happiness. Along the way he was presented quite craftily a cookie and he paused...Do I continue on my journey for the ultimate joy and happiness, or do I stop now and eat this cookie...right NOW? He chose to eat the cookie, and he chose here and now.

She went on to talk about how this can apply to us. How often do we give up what we want the most for what we want right now? I know in my own life, it's frequent. This applies on so many levels for me!

Firstly, I was thinking about what I want most in my life right now. And I've been trying so very hard at losing weight and thus far have been successful in losing 36lbs. This is no small feat. I mean, come on! It's a 1st grader! Ha! So I'm really very happy with my success, however, I often reason--at least to myself--that I can have another cookie and go over my daily points and use a little of my weekly points because, well, it doesn't happen that often. And the weekly points are there for a reason. But what I want the most is to lose more weight. I want to be healthier, trimmer, I want to be able to continue to run easier, to wear a certain size...so the question then becomes, am I willing to give up what I want the most for that extra cookie? I mean, I'm already having a cookie, that's within my budget for points...but do I really want another?

I'm going to start asking myself this question more often. Today was my weigh in and I didn't lose any weight. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose. I knew this was going to happen because yesterday was my office Christmas party and I overate and used a lot of my weekly points. I even remember thinking at one point during dinner, actually I had a full on inner monolog going on and it looked something like this:

Me: Do I want to eat dessert?
Me: Well, you don't need it.
Me: I want it.
Me: You don't need it...
Me: But, if I don't use any of my weekly points I'll lose them tonight.
Me: This is true.
Me: Besides, I still have like 30 activity points I could use too if I needed.
Me: This is true.
Me: It's not like you're gonna be even close to using those.
Me: Right. Exactly.
Me: So just have the dessert.
Me: Done.

Turns out I did have the dessert, and it was gritty and I didn't even eat it all, but had to count it anyway. Bummer. So I chose right now. And this particular time, it wasn't worth it. Now, of course, if we were talking an oatmeal fudge bar...

Then I started thinking about this on a spiritual level. Which is the point the RS President intended. What I want most is eternal life in the highest kingdom of heaven. I wonder when I make my choices now if I considered this question before chosing anything, "Will I be giving up what I want the most, for what I want right now?" and then consider that each choice I make will bring me that much closer or farther away from my goal...would I chose the same?

I typically don't make choices that will pull me in a direction that isn't where I should be going, where I want to be going, where Heavenly Father wants me to be. I make bad choices, but I've been given the very real opportunity to repent and be forgiven, and I often do and am.

The last speaker was a member of the High Counsil. And for the life of me I can't remember his name either, but he told stories of his life and how each trial or wonderful event was a gift to him. And I cried like a baby, because I was thinking of the many, many...too many to list...gifts I've been given throughout my life. I cannot possibly ever repay my Father in Heaven for them, but I'm not going to be discouraged and stop trying. He simply asks in return to have faith, have hope, to live like His son. These are simple things that I make harder on myself, so I'm going to try to make things simpler so my goal...what I want the most is what I'm choosing right now, too.

Do my prayers contain my hopes?

2010-12-01T14:07:00.000-08:00

Recently I had the opportunity to attend TOFW. This was my first experience doing so, and I have a lot to blog about as a result of this experience, but today, for whatever reason, I'm being prompted to write about the title of my post.

Sometimes we receive promptings that are so strong, they're impossible to ignore. We can try, but something, inevitably, pops up to make us remember. And that's what I've been doing all day today...remembering. Hope.

This may be a bit scattered, a bit unorganzied, but I'm putting it out there anyway, because there's not time like the present.

So some things that I learned from TOFW, besides the universal message of having hope, was how important hope actually is. There were many speakers who spoke on varying ways hope helped them throughout their lives. How significant hope is...to them, to us. To me.

So here goes: Hope is as important as air. I had never really given this much merit. How can hope be as important as air? We require air, we need air...it is a universal truth and it applies to everyone. I had never considered that having hope was the same or applied to me specifically in this way. But giving it some extra thought and pondering this analogy, I find it to be most adequate. Clever these people are to address the issue of hope this way. Much like air, if we don't have hope--we die. Maybe not in the literal sense, but maybe so. How often have I been so heavy burdened in my life, miserable even? Many times, I'd venture to say, especially in the thick of things, more than my share. Each time, the only thing that pulled me out was hope. Whether it was a person, a thing, a message, a letter...one or many of these things struck me and made me hope.

We hope not for what we have, but what we believe is possible. However, is it wrong to still hope for the things that we have? I mean, I have a family, and I hope for them all the time. Maybe I'm refining my hope, then, and continuing to put in the effort for my hope to be realized. I think that's expected of me. I need to work on refining my hope for my family, and focus on the very most important of things. Recently in conference we had the opportunity to hear from President Uchtdorf and he spoke about our lives and the rushed pace of it all--and how we need to refocus on what matters most. He says, "...it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions." I think that when we slow down, we can see more clearly our hopes, but when we're rushed or pressured we lose sight of those hopes--even if a little--and when this happens, I've found that, for me, my course is unclear.

How much clearer our path, that righteous course, when hope is always in sight!

We were asked at TOFW the first day to list the things that we hoped 'for'. No hope, no venture, no dream was too large to hope for. The next day, we listed what we hoped 'in'. I have to take pause for a moment to reflect on these lists. Wipe my eyes and blow my nose, because my lists are very similar.

I'll show you what I mean, here's some things on my hope for list: A happy eternal life. Jon to be happy with his career choices. Jon to be happy. Austin to be happy. Alex to be happy. Samantha to be happy. For my family to know God loves them. To get to my goal weight loss. Financial security.

And my hope 'in' list: Christ. Jon. Austin. Alex. Samantha. Susan. My ability to lose weight. My ability to provide for my family. Myself to achieve eternal life.

There are other things for which I both hope for and hope in, but I found that these things were the most important to me, and thus were listed first. How similar they are!

Having hope is not something that will weaken us, but strengthen us. Provide us with an understanding that God loves each and every one of us. That He knows our basic needs and will always meet those needs. Which leads me to the one question I've been struggling with...Do my prayers contain my hopes? Or perhaps I should be even more specific...Do my prayers frequently contain my hopes?

Sometimes I find myself asking Heavenly Father for something, but it's once...and it's more of a need. Sometimes a desire. It's not that I think it's not important enough to ask more than once for...it's just that I feel like I ask for so much as it is--that what I hope for isn't as important to Him to hear about, than the things that I geniunely need. And I KNOW that He wants to hear from me always, about anything, but maybe I should consider He hopes for me to ask Him ALL THINGS.

How can I remember to prayerfully contain my hopes on a consistent basis? Are my hopes really too far different than my needs? What will jog my memory while I'm on my knees? A ribbon tied on my wrist? Or is it more that I need to better know that I'm worthy to have my hopes realized? Maybe a combination of those things and more.

As I sit here contemplating what I can do to further clarify and refine my hopes, I'm prayerful that I'll get it right for myself.

But I have to put on roller skates right now and get a million things done. I hope for enough time to do them.

Being blessed.

2010-06-15T21:48:00.001-07:00

I honestly don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. It was never my intention to bag out and quit blogging...it just sort of happened. So many things have happened over the last year, and I do realize that it has been almost an entire year since I last posted.

I do use Facebook though! I'm under Rebecca Garver...which I think is pretty obvious, but you never know.

I guess I just wanted to come on here and say that I feel my Savior's love for me these days. A friend of mine is going through a rough patch, not similar to mine, but she doesn't have the knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan, or feel Christ's love and perfect brightness of hope in her life. I worry for her.

Despite the fact that there is a possibility that I might not be able to have another child, I feel comforted. I feel the strong embrace of the Savior and the power of His touch in my life. I cannot possibly know why the things that happen happen sometimes, but I cannot question Heavenly Father's love for me. I cannot thank Him enough for sparing my life so that I can live it with my sweet husband and children.

The last week has been probably the most painful of my life. Like, considering actual physical pain. But I'm getting through it. Each day the stairs are easier to manage. Last night I slept through the night completely. Today I applied make-up, and despite the fact that I'm still so utterly pale, it helped me to feel better. I went to work, only for an hour or so, but I wasn't too winded, and I managed.

Little things. I'm noticing the little things today that I normally don't give a second thought to--well, I'm grateful for them. I feel blessed to be able to do them.

I'm still slow and have a heavy heart. Ridiculous things still set me off, and I cry. I cry, a lot, for me. But it's okay. I'm going to cry it out if I want to. It's been a week. I need more time and I'm going to take it. And I'm going to cry.

Tomorrow another sweet sister is going to be taking my children for me in the morning so I can rest. The love we've received from our Relief Society has been astounding, and very much appreciated. The meals that have been provided in my absence and since I've been home have been lovely and nurishing and just...so terrific. Last Monday I had my grocery list completed and planned to shop in the afternoon with Sam. I never made it, of course, so those meals provided so lovingly on our behalf saved us. I'm so grateful.

While I've got a ways to go, quite a lot actually, it doesn't seem too far. It doesn't seem to daunting or unrealistic or unmanagable. I'm grateful for this.

I'm grateful for so many things.

A lot.

2009-08-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

There's been so much happening lately, I can hardly wrap my brain around it.

I've been working a lot more lately. Sherwood Oral Surgery has been up and running since April, but only in the last month or so has it really started to take off. This means that I've been working on Tuesday's and Friday afternoons over in Sherwood. It's been an interesting experience. The office over there is quite a bit different from the Portland office. The people over there are nice, but the dynamic is SIGNIFICANTLY different than the Portland office. Of course it's going to be different - I've been with the Portland office for almost 11 years...I'm used to it. Over in Sherwood, however, it's just different. I can't explain it any other way.

Then, the actual office itself is like 20,000sqft or something INSANE! There's entirely too much room to get lost in. I can't figure out where I'm going half the time. Oh, and I've chinned twice now. It's weird. I don't know if I like that part of it because you have to hold still for so long and my hands kind of cramp. I'm not complaining though...too much.

I have a lot of new responsibilities that I've never had before for this new office and I'm both excited to learn and scared to death. Mostly scared because I'm extremely anal retentive and everything has to be perfect. And since my doctor has lost some receipts, etc...well, that just makes me all nervous and such. LOL

We're planning a trip to Mt. Hood this weekend and into early next week. I'm excited for another break, even if it is only a couple of days this time. The following week we hope to head out to either Haag Lake or Detroit Lake...haven't decided yet. I have to be back by the 25th for my next hearing. Hopefully the last one before the trial in October. I can't wait for that mess to be over and done with...it's too much sometimes.

So, the kids have been doing very well. They are all rapidly getting bigger and making me laugh with the things they say. I told Alex the other day that he was going to be such a big boy going to Kindergarten and he says, "Being a big kid is lame!" Nice huh? That one is going to be just like his father with all his little quirks and quick wittiness. A little mini-Jon.

I hope this finds you all well and having a great summer! :)

Another funny.

2009-08-05T14:23:00.001-07:00

It seems the only things I've been posting lately have been things that the kids say that I find funny. For the sake of keeping things perserved and remembered, I had to share this as well.

I made lunch this afternoon and the kids were playing in the living room with dominos. They were building all sorts of things, houses, tables, chairs, making robots...just all sorts of things. Anyway, I called them to the table so we could eat and placed their food in their respective places.

Just as we were all gathered together, Alex said, "Wait! Hang on mom we have to do something real quick, even smart people forget things!" And he ran off to make his creation before he forgot what it was that he wanted to make.

That kid cracks me up more times than I even post...hot dang!

Ancestors

2009-07-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today during breakfast I had a very interesting conversation with my children. Alex started it. He asked me whether I had two moms. I told him that I had only one mom that gave birth to me, but another mom, Grandma Susan, who stepped in when my mom couldn't. Essentially. That seemed to bode well with them.

A few minutes later, Austin asked me if I knew my dad. I told him that I did not. He wondered why my mom didn't know who he was. How to explain that mess to him... Alex piped in and said, "Maybe your dad didn't like your mom." Simple enough right? Maybe...I really don't know anything to explain further on the subject so I get up to put more food on our plates to drop the subject.

Then, Alex pipes up and asks, "Mom, do we have ancestors?" I told him that we did.

Austin then asks, "Do we have an-brothers, too?" I had to ask him what he said again to be sure, and he repeated himself. At this point I'm twitching around in silent laughter because dang, that was funny right there.

I explained to him what having an ancestor meant and I don't think he really understood why I was laughing so hard, but seemed to accept the answer.

Kids say the funniest things.

Burnt

2009-07-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had this great idea. Don't put on sunscreen...get a little burnt and it'll turn into a tan.

What the heck!?

So, I think it would have worked if it wasn't for the fact that I was out in VERY HOT weather for 4 hours. I'm lobster red, like, really.

We went to the river again yesterday and it was very relaxing and fun and there was even a slight breeze at time. I think it cooled down to like 97 degrees or something tolerable, so that was also nice.

The day before we went to the lake and low and behold, all of us got sick. Turns out that there was a rare blue green algae growing in the middle of the lake that got stirred up by a bunch of boats. When ingested it causes flu like symptoms. Yeah...

Then, if that's not bad enough, we had to worry about West Nile virus from the bugs. I got bit once, and my kids didn't get bit at all, but Calvin got a nasty bite and his leg swelled up. And Rannon...well, that poor kid has bites all up and down his legs.

But, we were out in the beautiful weather and played for hours in the water and had a blast. Was it worth it? Sure was. Towards the end of the night we might have all been thinking twice about it, especially if the bathroom was otherwise occupied, but still. It was good.

I'm not sure when we'll head back home...this feels too good to rush it right?

Ok, onto that run before it hits 85...

Rodeo

2009-07-19T10:08:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to my first rodeo. It was very cool. The announcers were what made the show, I believe. Some of the riders won over $60,000!

The bull rider competition was insane. Only one bull rider managed to stay on for 8 seconds. Period. So needless to say he won that cash prize.

There was one rider whose name was Cash. His parents named their first child Rope, second child Tye, and third Cash. So when Cash had his first son, he named him Straight Cash. BiZarre. It was sort of funny though. Apparently, according to the announcers his mother, on a scale from 8-10 for hottness is a 12. They were going on and on about how hot his mom was. Poor kid.

We're planning a trip to the river today to do some rafting. It'll be 108...or something crazy, so we might not be out for that long.

It's been very relaxing on vacation. I've really enjoyed it. It's been a long time coming.

Party time?

2009-07-15T09:00:00.001-07:00

The title says it all. I have to spill on what happened yesterday because it was just sooo funny!

I hear the doorbell and am not expecting anyone, so I run to get it...all the while thinking it's going to be a salesman asking me if they can clean my carpet for the hundredth time this week...

I open the door to find a nice young man there ready to come into my house! Upon closer inspection I realize...wait a second!? Is that a Willoughby? I'm pretty sure that's a Willoughby...

"Hey," said Willoughby says, "is this where the party's at?"

.....

"Um, no, sorry. We're not partying here right now." I laugh. *If he only knew...*

"Oh, well can you tell me where the party is?" So polite he asks, fully expecting me to know.

"Sorry hon, I didn't even know there was a party anywhere!" Laughing again.

"Oh, well, there is a party and someone said it was here..." Looks around for the first time and shrugs.

Then I proceeded to go out and talk to his mom and laugh because this was what I needed yesterday as a break. It was so funny.

We're leaving for vacation for 2 weeks. I'm so excited! It's a good thing he didn't barge in or anything because he would have been acosted by laundry anywhere he turned in my house right now. LOL

Just a bunch of junk.

2009-07-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

The boys and Jon are camping. I'm home with Sam.

We're being lazy. It's nice.

Anyway, just now, she finally woke up for good this time. She did wake up early this morning to go to the bathroom, but curled up next to me and fell back asleep. I've been up for a bit reading.

Her stomach growled and she proudly exclaimed, "My stomach farted!" Really, really loud. It was funny. Then her stomach growled again and she started giggling. It was really cute.

Well, that's not too bad right? Last night we went to Panera for some dinner, well, I did at least. She wanted Wendy's nuggets, so we stopped there as well. While we were waiting for my food at Panera she farted. She very loudly stated that, "I farted!" There were a few people right around us and some people behind the counter who laughed. The girl making some smoothies about messed her pants I think. She was laughing so hard and told me thanks for bringing her in to brighten her day.

If that's all it took, I wonder what sort of day she had.

Anyway, we watched some cartoons when we got home and went to bed. Today, we'll eat some breakfast and get our toenails painted. I'm going to take her to the place I get my pedicures. We'll see how we manage that.

Jon and the boys will be back later today. I hope they had a lot of fun at the Ward Campout. The bishopric made the best pancakes I've ever had in my life last year...so I'm jealous that I don't get to get some this year, but since I'm taking off so much time this month as it is, I couldn't miss work to attend this year.

Now, I'm just rambling, I know, but I have to say that last night (of course it would be when Jon was gone) the strangest thing happened. Tucker tried to chew his leg off! I've never seen something like it before. I was very, very freaked out. He kept biting his leg so hard and chewing on it so hard that he would whine and growl. He looked like he was in pain or something. I looked him over and I didn't find any ticks or fleas and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. This went on for about an hour. I really have no clue what was wrong with him, but he eventually calmed and relaxed and went to sleep. It was very weird. Anyone ever hear of such strange behavior?

Anyway, I gotta stop the stomach farting...

New Quote

2009-07-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson

Whoa, right?

Hotel For Dogs

2009-07-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

So, today, Austin and Alex had a really funny conversation. What made it funny is when you realize how extremely alike your kid is to you, or your spouse. This was so totally a moment where you could completely tell that Austin is his father's son.

Austin: Hey Mom? You remember that dog on Hotel For Dogs that only had three legs? I can't remember his name...do you remember it?

Me: *thinks* Um, sorry honey, I don't even remember a dog with three legs. Maybe they called him 'old three legs'?

Austin: Yeah, maybe that's it.

Alex: How did he walk around with only 3 legs?

Austin: *proceeds to demonstrate the process*

Alex: You mean like this? *mimicks his brother and they are now both attempting a three legged walk*

Austin: Yeah, like that see.

Alex: Well did the dog die because he only had three legs?

Austin: *annoyed* You watched the same show I did! *rolls eyes*

That, right there my friend...is exactly something Jon would have said. Only he'd say it to me. I forget things all the time. It's not my fault, but I get the same response.

So funny.

Funny.

2009-07-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Who knew playing forts was so tiring?

A good day, sort of.

2009-06-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

Today was another court day. It wasn't as bad as the first. I sort of knew what to expect. The defense attorney sort of irritated me, but I think he was trying to. Big jerk.

Next week I have a meeting where I'll be going over my testimony and helping the District Attorney however I can. It's the least I can do, I guess.

It looks like an end is coming though, and I really look forward to that. This has just drained me completely. I cannot get to the end fast enough. I feel plagued constantly and I'm so weary.

It looks like I'll have two more hearing dates to attend and then the trial is tentatively set for October. I don't look forward to it. What's especially hard about this is that this whole thing seems to rest on my shoulders. It's a lot of pressure and I feel crippled and burdened. And I just want to scream at people because this isn't our fault and we didn't choose this, but it feels like we're being punished. I know we're not, I know I'm not...but it feels that way.

I've prepared my victim's resolution statement that has taken me months to compose. It's been in almost every thought I've had. I tend to overthink things, but it's very important and I didn't want to miss anything. I've condensed it to 2 pages. It means I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and be vulnerable and show my broken heart, but it needs to be done. It has to be done.

Everyone is well. Sorry for the fail at updating like my usual chipper self...or disturbed self, or funny self. Meh. Whatever.

Well, I gotta head out for my run. I've been doing very, very well. I'm increasing my mileage and consistently bettering my time. It's getting easier. Although, the other day I ran up two hills in the same run, and I have to say it about killed me. Still though, I managed 10:13 per mile...not too shabby for a big girl like me. :)

I hope you are all well.

Happy News

2009-06-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

First, to explain the happy news, I should tell you the terrible news.

Last week, Tuesday, our three dogs, Buddy, Cherrio and Grey died. It was one the most horrific things I've ever had to witness. It breaks my heart.

Samantha, being the adventurer we all know she is, found some gopher poison (we didn't even know we had this) and emptied the entire bottle into the dog's water dish. I won't go into detail, except to say that it all happened very, very quickly. I was able to be with Buddy and Grey during their final moments. Cherrio, sadly, died alone.

While our hearts are still very much broken and we are still in a bit of shock from the loss of three of our family members, we found ourselves quite lonely around here...despite all the noise going on and people around.

We decided to look for another dog. This is not to say that our feelings of saddness or the loss of our friends is any less.

So, we now have Tucker. Tucker is almost 3 years old and he's a Brittany Spaniel. He's very, very cute. He's very shy, but really good around the kids. He's never been on stairs before, so that's sort of funny to watch. He pretty much flies down the stairs if he has to go on them, but refuses to go up them.

He has a special fondness of me, which is good, but hasn't been ideal today. Simply because I'm getting dictation caught up and he's sitting under the desk at my feet farting like nobody's business. Which is repulsive to say the least...in fact, I can see the green fumes wafting up as I type. So NOT COOL!

Anyway, he's been fine so far and we look forward to having him a long, long time.

Very sweet.

2009-05-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

What Love means to a 4-8 year old. Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
________________________________

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore..So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8
________________________________

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4
________________________________

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5
________________________________

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6
________________________________

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4
________________________________

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7
________________________________

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more...My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8
________________________________

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7
________________________________

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
________________________________

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7
________________________________

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6
________________________________

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8
________________________________

'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6
________________________________

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5
________________________________

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.'
Chris - age 7
________________________________

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4
________________________________

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4
________________________________

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'
Karen - age 7
________________________________
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6
________________________________

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8
________________________________

And the final one
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Beach

2009-05-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

I don't typically call the Oregon Coast the beach. If simply for the fact that I think of the beach as really warm and sunny and when your feet touch the sand...well the sand is hot.

But...yesterday we went to the beach and it was sunny, reasonably warm and the sand was hot on your feet. It was beautiful and we didn't even need jackets. The kids wore jackets, however, because I made them.

Andrea and James tagged along, they even agreed to ride with Austin and Alex...and I'm told they talked constantly. We lucked out on the ride home because everyone was so exhausted and didn't have much energy to move around or talk or anything else.

We ended up getting like $35.00 worth of candy, which at this one shop meant that we got 5 pieces of taffy. Just kidding...about only getting 5 pieces. We got fudge, taffy, chocolate and just a ton of candy. Then...if that wasn't bad enough, we got ice cream afterwords. However, I'm happy to report that since we paid an arm and leg to get the candy first, we were able to save .25cents/cone we bought. Black Licorice ice cream is the absolute best.

It was busy, long day and we walked miles, but we shared time together, had fun and made memories. More importantly we got to share love with each other by holding hands, playing sand castles and being us.

We need more days like that. :)

The pinkie sneaky.

2009-05-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

I went for a run tonight, did 2 1/2 miles. It felt really, really good. While I was running I was thinking about my day and specifically my children because, well, they sort of hang around a lot and it's hard not to notice them. Not to mention that they need to be fed and watered, like, all the time. So, chances are, during the day I'm spending time with them...constantly. LOL

Anyway, what I'm about to tell you us fail proof. Well, mostly. I don't think I've shared this with you before, and while running I thought of that and felt it just completely selfish of me not to. Thus, I will explain to you the pinkie trick. It's a little sneaky, but it works. Seriously.

As a parent, I want to believe I've raised honest to goodness kids. They don't lie to me...often. When they do, I can tell they are lying by using their pinkie...and that same pinkie tells me with 99.9% accuracy whether or not they are telling the truth, or lying. It's very simple really. I should also note that I did not come up with this on my own, but my sweet Vondie Blondie passed it on to me years ago. It's darn near fail safe. In fact, when you use pinkie and said pinkie produces and tells you your child has lied...95% of the time you get a confession and, "I'm sorry". So...it's highly effective.

Here's what you do. It's very simple. Takes little time. The first time you use this trick, you may need to explain it a little to the party involved in suspicious activity or whatever. For example:

Me: "I'm going to ask you a question and I will know if you are lying or not. Austin, did you poke your brother in the eye on purpose?" <---Something simple, to the point, they can answer yes or no.

Austin: "No"

Me: "Let me see your pinkie." <---simple simple simple. (Note, it doesn't matter if it's left or right pinkie...they both tell the truth.)

Austin: Shows me his pinkie while sort of hiding it and glancing at it.

Me: "You've just lied to me. Your pinkie told me the truth. You did poke your brother in the eye on purpose."

Austin: "Well he was bugging me!" <---confession and angrily shoves pinkie into pocket. Will probably teach that pinkie thing or two later.

SO...now we have an example out of the way let me explain. When you ask your child to show you their pinkie, if they are lying they will become uncomfortable, will look at their pinkie, maybe try to hide it from your complete view, wiggle it around a little bit like they think it'll sport a mouth and start talking to you...maybe even all of these things simultaneously. When they do this, you know they are lying. They are looking at their pinkie to see what on earth you can see that tells you they're lying.

When you ask your child to show you their pinkie and they show you their pinkie straight away, hold it up bold, do not look at it and look at you instead, they are telling the truth. Everytime. (Unless they figure out the trick, in which case...good luck with that now.) They don't have any fear or hesitation because they know they are telling the truth. They don't need to see what their pinkie looks like because there's no way it would betray them. Then you can praise them for being truthful. (They might, after you're done, reflect on their pinkie to determine how in the heck you know this...I think I clocked Austin sitting his bed one night pinching it, moving it all around and just overall baffled on how it could possibly tell me the truth everytime for like 15 minutes.)

So there you have it. Vonda said that this trick worked for her son until he was almost 15. So, that's really saying something. LOL

LOL

2009-05-05T23:53:00.001-07:00

Seriously. I spoke too soon. Alex and Sam have the flu, again. I knew it was too good to be true. I hope it's only a 24 hour thing this time.

Last night and tonight I got so many deals at the store using the Living Well deal at Safeway. It's ridiculous. :)

Here's what I got with $47.12:

6 80 count Hefty Large Kitchen bags
12 12pack cans coke products (caffiene free, of course)
3 24pack bottled water
8 packs gum
32 boxes of capri suns
2 packages 1lb ground turkey
2 packages Tyson chicken nuggets (large bag)
4 packages American singles cheese
6 pkgs of 4 count Smart Balance butter
6 tubs Smart Balance butter
1 6 pack Dove bar soap
1 large Lawry's seasoning salt
2 12 count pop tarts
1 bag Fritos
1 bag Tostitos chips
2 gallons milk
4 12rolls of Cottenelle toilet paper
10 pkgs Electrosol gel tabs
1 bottle Life Water
1 tin foil
1 Lysol disinfectant

That's it. I should have spent without coupons: $405.79...not a bad haul. Average savings of about 88%....or so. I'll take it.

Betcha ya thought I'd dropped off the face of the earth!!

2009-05-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

So, I've not been good at all at updating lately. My bad. I've not kept up on anyone else's blogs either, so I've got a bit of catching up to do.

Special shout out to Kristina for checking on me to see if I was still kicking. I saw your comment yesterday and feel blessed to have such a sweet and exceptionally funny blogging friend. Thanks. :)

I've been bummed because I did injury myself the last time I wrote and it's still not 100% healed. And, just like this last summer when I'm certain I broke my foot, I've not gone to the doctor. I'm really stubborn.

But tonight I did run 2 1/2 miles, record time. My leg hurts, but it's not unbearable. Which means, to prevent further injury, I'll work out on the elliptical tomorrow instead of run again. I look forward to it.

Everyone's healthy. Jon finally got over whatever the heck he had, it took antibiotics, but he's finally a lot better. I still get woken up in the middle of the night by his cough, but it's much better. The kids, expect for Austin, are well. He's still got that same crap. Jon and Austin are going on what...8-9 weeks of being sick straight? Crazy.

Work is going good. I'm working extra this week because a co-worker is on vacation, and I teach preschool...it'll be a busy week.

I've got about 50% of my coupons sorted, which is saying a whole heck of a lot. Andrea and Vickie, bless their little hearts and fingers, helped me clip coupons yesterday. I don't know that they really realize how much they've helped me out, but they did. I'm grateful to them. A lot.

I had a little bit of a break through today and didn't even realize it until my run tonight - that's why I love running...I get to think about things and sort through things and pound it out. Anyway, I don't really know how to say it other than I saw him today and I didn't get upset. Or, frightened or worried or frantic or anything. I actually thought he looked like he was having fun...and what's more is that I hoped he was! There was no other emotion other than that. Hope. It's awesome.

Sam cut her hair again today. I didn't freak out as badly as last time. It's just hair right? At least it wasn't a finger...

I'll update again later this week. I just had to sit down and rest for a bit and let everyone know something.

Gah.

2009-04-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

I've been running since, the last few weeks in March? I don't remember when exactly. I remember starting out and there was a lot of pain, dates on the other hand....not so much. I made a goal, way back when, to run 10 miles in 1 week. I've yet to hit that goal. It's not that I can't, it's that I just haven't. I've had a few days where I ran 2 miles in the morning and then 2 at night, but then go the next day without running at all. So, it's been a little sporadic.

Yesterday I ran 2 miles and it felt easy. So, since that started my week off...I was feeling really good and thought tonight I'd run 3 miles. This would have been my first attempt at 3 miles and...I'll have to make that attempt another day. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, I was barely able to run 1.25miles. I pushed and pushed, but finally had to just stop. I don't know what happened, but it feels like I broke a bone or something, either that or my muscle cramped up so hard that I couldn't bear it any longer. I've pushed through pain before, but this pain was something new. It didn't feel right. I barely made it out of the gym without hobbling like a ninnie, which meant I just had to walk very, very slowly.

So, we'll see what tomorrow brings. I think I'll take the day off. LOL

Oh, and what is up with Oregon spring weather? Holy buckets! The kids got to play outside in the sprinkler today...and they weren't even cold! I know! Bizarre! I just don't know what to make of it. I'm lovin' it though...I played in the water, too. :)

2009-04-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've not posted much as of late because, well I've not had anything of worth to say. I can't explain the emotions I've gone through in the last several months and feel it a waste of time to even try. I would stop here if weren't for the fact that I need to try to sort through some things.

I just am. I just am.

Where to even start? I know that the "impossible situation" thing is where it started for me. I felt I was working through things and coming to grips with how things were working or weren't and that I was ok with it. I really thought I was able to rise above and see things for what they were. I'm such a fool.

Friday, the one day I work out of the home, I had an incident which makes me feel particularly low, down trodden and brought up emotions I thought I'd dealt with. But, I'm weak, and even as my knees buckled and my throat tightened up and I panicked...I just was. I had all of these feelings that came to the surface, but even as all the color left my face I felt nothing. I just was.

I mean, come on! I only work one day a week...what are the chances that I'd have to face the one person who has this overwhelming power over me to make me cringe and shake and flustered? The one person who I haven't seen in months? There he was, staring me in the face, just as startled as me I imagine. And this is one of the few places where I feel completely safe and at ease, and he just took that away from me. He broke a barrier, unknowingly, and was there staring at me. And I've done nothing wrong and I felt uncomfortable. And, it wasn't fair that I was the one who had to leave. I work there. I have a right to be there. But I couldn't be there. And while I know that my doctors know what is going on and my office manager, too, it didn't make it any easier that they understood. I just hate that my will is broken.

I have no will.

I just am.

So, I move along. I'm functioning, but I'm so lost. Like I said, I can't explain it. The only thing I feel I can relate it to is that I have no light left, and that's not even true. My light is just very dim. It seems like every solution I've come up with falls short of what I need. And while I know that Heavenly Father wants me to work this out with Him, I feel like every solution I come up with on my own isn't good enough to take to Him because it's wrong. I really try to be open and listen and wait for His hand to guide me, but I'm impatient and selfish because I just want it to be done. I'm just done.

I'm still doing things that I should, still following the routine, still praying and studying the scriptures. I just don't know what I'm searching for. I don't know what will make this right. I've never been so conflicted.

It's not like I'm feeling like "oh, poor me", because I'm not. Not really. I've come to realize that I was just born, in part, to have this capacity to just endure all things. Well, I don't know how true that is, but it's how I feel. I can endure this, and maybe even appreciate it someday.

I just want to be able to understand it and endure it better now. I don't think that's too much to ask, or maybe I'm just asking the wrong things. Of course, it's impossible for me to know which one it is now.

I'm tired.

It was my turn to do scripture and prayer tonight. And, because I'm lazy, or just extremely smart, I just flipped open the scriptures to read from where ever the pages fell open. Wouldn't you know where that was? John 14 and 15...no particular verses needed. That should say it all. What a place to turn to when I'm feeling like this. Whatever it is that I'm feeling, the feeling that has no name. What a place to turn! I can't say which verses are my favorite because basically all of John is one of my favorites.

Chapter 14 verse 18-19: "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also."

Chapter 14 verse 27: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Chapter 15 verse 12-27 (clipped): "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.""Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you...""These things I command you, that ye love one another.""And ye also shall bear witness, because ye have been with me from the beginning."

So, I know that by doing my part peace will come. I just wish I felt it completely right now instead of just bits of it. I want to be overwhelmed with peace.

Computer funny.

2009-04-09T08:44:00.001-07:00

BILL GATES vs GMFor all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the waycomputers have enhanced our lives, read on.At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared thecomputer industry with the auto industry and stated:'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, wewould all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:'If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all bedriving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love thispart):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have tobuy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. Youwould have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you couldcontinue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would causeyour car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you wouldhave to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, wasreliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but wouldrun on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would allbe replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation'warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you outand refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the doorhandle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learnhow to drive all over again because none of the controls would operatein the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate -their computer!

Ok...so I especially love #8...so funny.

Feeling better.

2009-03-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

You couldn't tell by looking at me, hearing me talk (that's for sure), but I feel better, finally. I'm really super excited. So, I'm going to do what I always do when I get an inch...I'm going to take a mile...actually two. I'm going to go for a run tonight for the first time, in like, forever. I didn't end up running Friday after work after all because I only made it at work for 1 hour before I got even more sick. I wouldn't have gone to work at all had I known that puking would rear its ugly head. Ya, this really was the worst flu ever.

Anyway, the kids are doing good, which is a HUGE plus. Now, Jon and I just need to get our act together. I should mention that he's been sick with this crap, too, just not as bad as me...or if he was as bad he certainly handled it much better than I did. And that, is entirely possible.

I've got so much stuff to get done now that I feel better. The house is a mess and I've just got so much stuff to do...laundry, cleaning, organizing, couponing...and that's a big one. I've not straightened out my coupon crap for weeks...

So, better get on that. Ya.

Short Update

2009-03-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

So I got myself all worked up and excited about running 10 miles this week, which I completely planned on doing, but so far I've only been able to run 6 miles. I got the flu, which, of course, meant that I couldn't move to do anything pretty much. I'm hoping that tomorrow after work I'll have enough energy to go to the gym and run 2 miles. This would put my total running miles for the week to 8 miles, which is two less than my goal, but I did also do 2 miles on my eliptical on Monday in addition to my run...so I don't feel so bad about it, especially since I didn't plan on getting the flu.

We'll see if I make it tomorrow after a long day at work. I'm thinking I can do it.

Goals

2009-03-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

I have absolutely everything and nothing to say. Surprised? Naw, I tend to be like that sometimes.

Firstly, I'm running again. It feels so good. I can't even tell you. I started off slow, well for me anyway. I began by running a 12 minute mile. This is by no means fast, and I was very discouraged when I first started, which was at the end of February, I think. By the end of the first week, while it was difficult to walk, I pressed on...or rather ran on. I was encourged further the second week when I shaved 1 whole minute off my time! Wat Wat! Then, also, it didn't hurt so bad after words, which was a definite plus. This last week, I ran the same 1 mile route early in the week, but started pushing it too hard. I had to stop about 3/4 of the way through it and actually walk. I made it back to the house still in 11 minutes...which tells me I was just pushing myself beyond what my body could do at the time. I just had to stop because I couldn't control my breathing. So, until I get a hang of things again I decided to actually use my gym membership. LOL

I've had a gym membership for so many years, at least 8? Anyway, I pay like $9.00/month for unlimited gym time at any Bally's, but I never use it. Partly because for years I've been using the eliptical at home and the Bow Flex, which I love. But, now that I've started running again I decided that it would be best if I ran on a treadmill to pace myself better. When I'm on the road I tend to go faster than I should. When I'm on a treadmill, it sets the pace and I can keep along with it. At least for a few months I think I'm going to go to the gym until I know what my pace is and what my body can do before I do road running again. Sounds like a reasonable plan to me.

Now for the exciting part...I went to the gym this week. I like to work out in the women's section because I'm just nervous around people in general sometimes...especially when I'm all jiggly and HUGE...don't want people gauking at me or nothing (not that they do anyway, it's just a brain thing for me). When I got there, I almost went home because the woman's treadmills were taken already. Bummer. I thought I'd try the stair stepper, but then I realized that I just really wanted to run. So, I held my chin up and went out to run with the big boys. There was one treadmill left. I took it gladly.

It was sandwiched right between a guy with tattoos and piercings gallore, and a woman who was like...Victoria Secret supermodel hottness, head turner extraorindaire. So, of course I began sweating nervously and again thought about just leaving. But I didn't.

I got on that thing and put my head phones on and played The All American Rejects "Gives You Hell" on repeat and just had at it. I mean I tore the place up! The very attractive, hugmongo boobed gal next to me wasn't even going as fast as I was! I surprised myself because I actually did a mile in 11 minutes! So, my pace wasn't so far off as I thought.

I stopped there, after a cool down, of course, and then went home. So, Saturday, I decided to give it another shot and headed to the gym. I was relieved when there was one treadmill available in the women's section and started my workout. I'm extremely proud to say that I ran 2 whole miles without stopping! It took me 21 minutes exactly. :) For all of you who are bad with math, that means I shaved 30 seconds more off my best time for a mile! Wat Wat! I was all crazy on that thing! :)

So I set a new goal for myself starting Saturday...I'm going to run 10 miles this week. What!??! I know...that means I'll need to do 2 miles a day or so. I'm going to do it. I'm kind of excited to see if I can endure it.

Of course, I want to loose weight so I weighed myself so I can check my progress. Here's the thing. Since I started working out again almost 1 1/2 years ago now (it's been a long time) I've lost 44lbs. I know it...that's like Alex, almost. I hope that with this new routine I'll be able to shed some more lbs and get healthier. I look forward to it. Kind of exciting. :)

Secondly, I'm happy to report that Jon and I have come up with a new plan about church. Since the kids have been so sick for, like, months, one or sometimes both of us (because we get sick too) have missed church. This has been totally depressing me, seriously. So, we've come up with a plan so that we don't miss church on Sunday's...even if the kids are sick. One of us will go to our ward with the kid(s) who aren't sick, the other one will stay home with the other kid(s). Then once our church is over, Jon's parents ward will be starting and gives us enough time to get things together so that the one who stayed home first can go to church after all, just to a different ward. Why didn't we think of this before!??! Hey, at least we're thinking of it now. I'm really excited about this plan and I hope it works out like I want it to.

Thirdly, I'm really trying to keep the house tidier. I'm wiping things down constantly and picking things up more because we have been so sick. I'm hoping that keeping things more germ free will help, a lot.

Lastly, well, actually I don't really have a lastly. I just feel happy. :) That's all.

Lesson learned

2009-03-19T20:09:00.001-07:00

Tonight it was my turn to read scriptures and say the prayer before bed. In fact, I just finished doing that and had to run down here to type this up, because it is just too priceless. I was reading in Alma, Chapter 36. So when I read verses 6 and 7, I briefly explained that Alma and the Son's of Mosiah were being very naughty and so Heavenly Father sent an angel to talk to them.

Austin, bless his heart, got really confused for a minute, lifted his hand up as if to halt me and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa....you mean we're supposed to be good?!?" Confused at first myself, I said, well, yeah. His brows furrowed close together and he looked just really confused then. Then it dawned on me what he was meaning to say. I don't even think he realized what he was saying to begin with because what I think he was meaning to convey was that he thought that Alma the younger and the Sons of Mosiah were good. We've read this chapter before, I don't even remember how long ago it was, but he only remembered that they became good.

After we talked further and discussed the chapter, he became more comfortable and sure of what he was saying. But man, it was so funny. I just had to put this down for memory sake.

Austin, dude...I love you. You're so awesome. Thanks for making me smile. A lot.

Fear

2009-03-17T11:57:00.001-07:00

As it turns out, Sam is afraid of spiders. Unfortunately, for her, she lives in a family where she will be teased mercilessly about this. This does not mean that we will go out of our way to find a spider and throw it on her (although just imagining her jumping around squeeling does sort of make me grin...I know - I'm horrible), but rather means that if anyone of us sees a spider we will probably run and get her to show it to her. Again, I know this is horrible.

I found this out because yesterday she was on the toilet doing her business and I was doing dictation and heard through my ear phones, "Mom! Spider!" so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors heard her, too. I went in there to see what the deal was and she was darn near completely in the toilet bowl cringing to get away from said intruder. I look to where she's pointing near frantically and see something the size of this > * <...very slowly walking toward her. Now, I can see that she's obviously scared. She sweating profusely and trembling. However, I could not help laughing. She looks at me incredulously, probably thinking, "Are you seriously laughing at me? Don't you know this huge spider could rip my head off!?", but instead says, "Not funny, mommy! Make it dead!". So, I comply.

After I smash it, I open up the tissue to show it to her and she continues to freak out (because, you know, spiders are capable of sustaining such a squish). I show her that the spider is, in fact, no longer with us and not to be afraid. Not until I throw it in the trash does she calm down and climb out of the toilet.

Ya, we're all going have fun with this one.

Muahaha

2009-03-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

I took Sam and Austin to the doctor today because I thought Austin had strep and an ear infection and Sam had pink eye. Turns out that Sam and Alex have fluid behind their ear drums, but it doesn't look infected...yet...so we're to keep an eye on that. Austin and Sam have the flu. Austin is trying to get over it and Sam is just starting to get it. Figures. I'm a little miffed that I paid $40.00 in copays just to find out there's nothing I can do besides feed and water them. Jon said something along the lines of "Told you so.." To which I replied, "Didn't you know that 'I told you so' has a brother? His name is "SHUT THE HECK UP". Naw...I didn't say that outloud, just thought it (and toned it down a little considering that saying originally came from The Simpsons).

Anyway, gotta run...it's too hard to type with a little girl sitting on my lap.

On a lighter note...

2009-03-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

I may go back and talk about The Shack some more at some point, but not now. (I re-read the previous posts and sound sort of preachy and didn't mean that...sorry guys.)

Today I was upstairs making dinner and the kids were downstairs watching a cartoon...Danny Phantom...or something like that. A few of them decided to rummage around in my office...no doubt looking for Peeps or some other tasty treat. Sam and Alex found a lighter in a container that I have a lot of birthday stuff and candles in and some paper plates, etc. Well, they thought that this would be a fun toy.

Not so much.

Now...we don't smoke, and as you can tell by where the lighter was...don't often have use for a lighter or matches. I've never really thought to tell them not to play with fire, at least Sam anyway. I'm pretty sure that we've talked to the boys about this. Like I said though, it's not like we have these sorts of things lying around the house for them to worry about anyway.

I know it has to be Alex because the thing is too hard for Sam to push down the safety and light the darn thing, but I found a roll of toilet paper in the trash can after I got back from my run tonight. (Ya...I've been doing good and shaved 1 minute off my mile run...yay me!) I check out the roll and find that it was half charcoal and half nice white paper. Grrr.....then I start to look around the bathroom and find little ashes all over the darn vanity. It looks like there was a successful attempt at putting out the fire...probably not before someone crapped bricks.

I've never thought to put a smoke detector in the bathroom, but now I'm reconsidering that. How blessed are we that it wasn't much worse? Man...sometime I wonder what could possibly be going through their heads sometimes.

I know Austin didn't have any part in it because he was on the couch from the time he got home freezing (takes after me I guess..I had on knee high socks today, jeans, and FOUR shirts and sweater and then had a blanket on me all day and was still cold)...oh and I should mention he's got a sore throat and fever of 102.2....here we go again.

Things are so eventful around here, it's no wonder why we don't go very many places...it's just too entertaining at the Garver house.

More heavy...The Shack

2009-03-11T11:01:00.000-07:00

I didn't even get my tooth worked on today, they were doubled booked. I guess that's what happens when you get free dental work - family can wait apparently. Oh well, I'll get it done tomorrow. Moving on...

Part of healing is coming to a better understanding of God...please don't misinterpret - I, in no way, claim to understand Him completely, but I feel him at work in my life in the things that I do that are truly good. I wish I could just type out this whole book for you to read because it has a lot of good stuff in it...but that would take entirely too long and not all of it is truth so I don't want anyone to get confused about some pretty major things if they didn't have a testimony of such things already for themselves. (Make sense?)

Anyway, here's something that Papa explains to Mack that I thought was very interesting indeed about what and who he is. "...I am what some would say 'holy, and wholly other than you.' The problem is that many folks try to grasp some of sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think." "Even though you can't fully grasp me, guess what? I still want to be known." " By nature I am completely unlimited, without bounds. I have always known fullness." "We (speaking now as God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost) created you to share in that. But then Adam chose to go it on his own, as we knew he would, and everything got messed up. But instead of scrapping the whole Creation we rolled up our sleeves and entered into the middle of the mess - that's what we have done in Jesus."

I'll stop here for a just minute and offer something extra. What we're living is not Jesus' plan. It's our Heavenly Father's plan and we are His children. Some might argue this who believe that God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost are One being and so argue that if it is one of their plans it is all of theirs. I agree, to an extent but only to suggest that they are, indeed, one having the same purpose, but are entirely complete and separate beings...later on in the book it will be explained as such, but not before it confuses things up a bit..here's that part: "We are not three gods, and we are not talking about one god with three attitudes, like a man who is a husband, father and worker. I am one God and I am three persons, and each of the three is fully and entirely the one."

This next part, while beautifully written and holds truth as it applies only to Christ is a little off the mark simply because of what I stated above. For those of you out there who believe it as it is written, I still believe it is written beautifully and have to put it down because of that. "...we became fully human. We also chose to embrace all the limitations that this entailed. Even though we have always been present in this created universe, we now became flesh and blood. It would be like this bird, whose nature it is to fly, choosing only to walk and remain grounded. He doesn't stop being the bird, but it does alter his experience of life significantly." (That's a understatement to say the least.) "Although by nature he is fully God, Jesus is fully human and lives as such. While never losing the innate ability to fly, he chooses moment-by-moment to remain grounded." - While I know Christ's decision to fullfill the law and come to earth and die for us was his choice, reading it that way helped me better understand it...but again, I don't claim to have a complete understanding. Papa continues, "Mackenzie, I can fly, but humans can't. Jesus is fully human. Although he is also fully God, he has never drawn upon his nature as God to do anything. He has only lived out of his relationship with me, living in the very same manner that I desire to be in relationship with every human being. He is just the first to do it to the uttermost - the first to absolutely trust my life within him, the first to believe in my love and my goodness without regard for appearance or consequence." I love this! I would add that not only was Christ the first to do this, but the only one to do this. Sure, I think there have been men, and women, who are good through and through, but they are still only human and not perfect. Christ is perfect.

Papa continues, "All love and relationship is possible for you only because it already exists within Me, within God myself. Love is not the limitation; love is flying. I am love." I think that most of us know this: God = Love. Ok, now when I read this next part, it jolted me a little but after I really thought about it I let it's truthfulness sink into my heart. "The God who is - the I am who I am - cannot act apart from love!" Beautiful. Sometimes, for me, I've been hohum and poor me because I thought or felt that Heavenly Father forgot me. That I was given experiences because He was punishing me for something I did or didn't do. Of course, I'm older now and I'd like to think wiser, so I know this to be absolutely false...that is that He's punishing me. He loves me...and he cannot act apart from that. It makes me feel really good and lighter to think about how very special I am to Him and how very fond of me He is...and it's just my nature to not even understand why.

Ok, back to the real world...now I'll delve more into what else I've learned or remembered from reading this book. It really is a good book. If anyone wants to borrow it, I'll be happy to lend it out.

Heavy - The Shack

2009-03-10T23:21:00.001-07:00

A while back, I mentioned that I got the book, The Shack - by William P. Young. I sat down and started to read it, but was overcome with emotion and was quite unable to finish it at the time. I must admit, this was a hard read simply because of the protrayl of God, Jesus and The Holy Ghost. I so know that they are not as they are protrayed, physically I mean, and trying to even think of them in that way bothered me enough to not see the finer points...at first.

Without giving the book away entirely, I'll share with you basically the jist of what's on the back cover, essentially something that you could learn or read on the website or if you just picked up the book and looked it over. It's about a man, Mack, who is struggling because his youngest daughter, Missy, was abducted during a family vacation and the evidence suggests that she was brutally murdered. Evidence turns up in this old abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. He becomes very sad, understandably, and it's even fair to say angry at God. Four years later, he receives an odd note in the mailbox, apparently from God, asking Mack to go to the shack for a weekend. He's a little irritated and thinks someone is playing a joke on him, but decides to go regardless. When he gets there, what happens to him over the course of the weekend changes his perspective on life and love and just changes him.

Like I said, I found this a very hard read. It is very simply written, but the concepts very real and there is a lot of truth in it. It was hard for me to read because here's this man, who is suffering because of the loss of his child. Here I am, not suffering anymore, but coping with a similar nightmare with one of my children, only my sweet child is alive and very well. He's dealing with the fact that someone harmed his little girl and I'm dealing with the fact that someone may have harmed mine. The evidence in his case later becomes very clear and obvious. The evidence in our case, while it has been collected, is not fully understood and it will be a long while before I'll have any answers. I have enough of an answer to be able to hold her and love her and pray for her and just to be her mom...which I enjoy beyond words.

So, I'll post a few parts of this book that helped me and wish to share with you all - if only as a reminder of these things that you probably already know. I mean, I know these things and have known them, but they touched my heart so powerfully and at the right time in my life so that I could feel God's love for me when I needed to feel it the most. At one time in Mack's conversation with God (who is protrayed, I might add, as a large Black woman they call Papa...no joke) Mack almost yells at Papa (God) saying that God abandoned him. Papa replied that he never left him. When Mack retorts that that doesn't make any sense, Papa replied, "...Will you at least consider this: When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose site of me?"

Whoa...I have to admit that there have been times in my life where, fortunately, for brief periods of time that's all I could see...pain. Whether mine or someone I love. I was drowning in it and lost sight of God. When I allowed myself to let go of this pain, with the help of God, I felt as if my burden was lifted and my prospects greater.

Oh this just gets better and better...I might have to stretch this into a few posts (I am tired). Papa goes on to tell Mack that he's not what Mack thinks he is, and of course Mack is confused. A bird lands on the windowsill and began strutting around. Papa then offers this: "Consider our little friend here...Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around." "You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around." "Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something I want for you." "...pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly." "And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." (I just realized that I posted another flying analogy a while back...different, but still...huh.)

Man, how real is that? That's pretty well put. I don't know if I can really add anymore to it except that during times in my life I've certainly lacked the capacity to feel God's love for me, and this restriction and weakness on my part was, of course, by my own doing. No matter the circumstance, or reasons I felt justified in feeling that way.

Ok, too deep? Well, I'll have to delve more into it tomorrow. I just realized that I have a dentist appointment first thing in the morning and so I'd better get some sleep.

Killin' time

2009-03-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting for my dictation to finish recording (I use an ancient method for doing this that's more cost effective...apparently) and just killin' time.

So....I stink. Really stink and the sad part is that I won't not stink for at least a few days. Trust me, at first when you get a wiff of me you might actually like it and think to yourself, "Hum...I'm feeling like BBQ and potato salad." This is not surprising, but I assure you that my stink won't rub off on you...it may, however, cause you to follow me around for a while trying to figure out my scent. You won't guess it. Ever.

The secret to my smelliness? Hickory Liquid Smoke. LOL For enrichment tomorrow night I'm making Kaluah Pig. It's completely awesome and wonderful, but part of the process to make it is absolutely awful! You have to rub the pig butt (keep those naughty thoughts to yourself) or pig shoulder with liquid smoke and then give a nice hard rub with Hawaiian Sea Salts. Put it in the crock pot for 20 hours and then shred with a fork. What's the big deal?

Well, I'll tell you...because like I said I'm killin' time. Once you get the liquid smoke on your hands, I swear to you it does not come off no matter how much soap/bleach you use to get it off. So, it just hangs around and ferments on your fingers for days. It seeps into your skin and becomes a part of you, until it's not. I know...why not use gloves for Pete's sake?

Let me tell you. Coming from someone who is so completely allergic to just about everything, I'm sensitive to those around me who have the same sort of aliment. A LOT of people are allergic to Latex, and I only had Latex gloves. I'm not willing to use the gloves knowing that I could risk anaphylactic shock symptoms in someone or someones.

So, I stink. A lot. Ew. Jon's already cracking jokes. Ya...I know.

Playing the lotto

2009-03-09T10:13:00.001-07:00

Hold the phone, guys. It's not what you think. Jon got a confirmation letter in the mail this Saturday that his application for nursing was accepted and he has been entered into the "lotto". I wish it meant that he was just going to be accepted flat out, but it doesn't. It just means that his name will be entered once, along with countless others, into the pool for nursing. So, after many, many, many years let's hope that he gets accepted!

Getting accepted would mean a big change for our family. Huge. The unknown of when he'll finally get in is sometimes daunting, but actually knowing that he'll be accepted is something entirely other. It makes me nervous and excited to know that we won't have to wait long to know for sure...just a couple of weeks. Until then though, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Nothing really new to report. I'm still sick, but what's new...really? I don't think I'll ever come to appreciate a raw nose and stuffy head and cold chills, but I might just get used to it.

I still have to post pictures of Sam in her little princess outfits. So cute. Just only slightly cuter than Jon wearing clip on earrings and rings on every finger just to his first knuckle...oh and the princess headbands. So classy...and truly handsomely beautiful.

Happy Birthday Samantha!

2009-03-07T07:37:00.001-08:00

Today is Sam's 3rd Birthday! (Current birthday pics will be posted tomorrow after her family birthday party.) My, my time has gone by. She gets more and more beautiful everyday. Her sweet spirit reminds me everyday what it means to love. Her simple words of encouragement to her brothers or to myself make my heart swell unmeasurably. She is very acutely aware of others, even at her young age, and knows just when a hug is most needed.

She is a determined adventurist. There is no hill too high, valley to wide, cap too hard to open on any container she shouldn't be getting into...it doesn't slow her down.

She's funny. Probably gets her sense of humor from her dad. She's really into thinking that farting is funny, but always says, "excuse me" - after forcing one out.

She's mommy's helper. She takes pleasure in getting things done around the house with me...and then promptly asks for her treat.

She's picked up on one of my sayings and it's so darn sweet and heart breaking when she says it. "In a little bit." It's sweet because of the way she says it, and she's always confident that she'll get what she wants soon and willing to wait for whatever "it" is. Heart breaking because I don't have that much time left with her while she's this little and so trusting and loving. Heart breaking because every little bit I'm doing other things she's growing up, right before my eyes.

So, for you, Sam, when you are older and can fully appreciate this...I love you. You will always be my sweet little girl and I'll always remember you now and in a little bit.

Tough times.

2009-03-04T18:01:00.001-08:00

I posted at the end of December and early January about something that was very difficult for me. While I didn't go into any specific details or particulars about what my family and I were going through, I received support from many friends who love me and my family. I feel grateful to have such friends.

I still cannot manage to post what happened. I can't even write it for my own personal record for that matter. I have been unable to talk about it without shaking or feeling anxious and expect that to never change. I might have a better understanding - that's not the right word - more knowledge that I didn't have before, and that has lessened, somewhat, my fears and uneasiness. And just when I think that I've let it go, just when I think that I've gotten it together and have moved on, something happens to throw me right back, not quite to the beginning but close to it.

I just have a broken heart. It's like there are little pieces of a 3D puzzle missing. Today I got another little piece, a type of piece that enhances one side of the puzzle - that makes it so that I can more clearly see the picture as a whole...or at least see the picture better still with missing pieces. I can see the puzzle's potiential now and make better guesses about what is missing, without knowing for sure.

But, now having this knowledge makes it worse. It was better to just speculate rather than think that this could possibly go deeper than I originally imagined or dared to think about.

And, I'm grateful that we're alright. That our side of this puzzle is very clearly in tact, with no variation of truth to be considered because it was only ever based on fact, and I consider fact in this case, truth. So I should be grateful, right? I should be relieved, and I am relieved...more so than I can even tell you. That part makes me want to sing.

But...the rest of this puzzle is broken and the last side is completely unfinished. This is what makes me heart broken. This is what makes me, not lose hope, but feel hopeless...powerless. It's crazy and I can't stop feeling just awful for them. I hate not being able to tell someone who's so incredibly wounded that they will be alright. I want to tell them that God loves them, but when they outright say that they feel like a failure and you can see they believe that of themselves...it's excruitating. Unbearable.

And what's worse is knowing that they are good, but just like me and my family, they were dealt something impossible and have to live through it.

But the worst part for me today was looking into this person's eyes and seeing that they are pained beyond any words. That they are so grief stricken that they've become hollow and dispondent almost beyond recognition. Even when I felt inspired to tell them that this is not their fault and that I do think they are good and hope that they can see that eventually and that I don't think they've failed me as they feel they have, I can see that it did no good. It kills me, it just kills me.

So, I've prayed more today - not that I don't pray always anyway...I like to think that I've got an open line going all the time with the Lord, because I do. But my prayers for others have been more heartfelt and sincere.

I see how very blessed I am to know God. I know I am blessed. I just wish that I could make others know that He loves them, too. I wish that I could see them how He sees them for just a brief second so that maybe I could know exactly the words to say to bring comfort to them so they'll really hear it and feel it.

It just really stinks.

Ping pong at its finest...

2009-03-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.noob.us/humor/excessive-ping-pong-celebration/

Ok, so when you click on this link, check the heading....and then watch the video. Pay attention to the score at the end.

Dog Funny...so funny.

2009-03-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

Ok, here's something that is so entirely funny...there are few words even to describe it. Enjoy.

http://www.noob.us/humor/sleep-walking-dog-runs-into-a-wall/

Funny.

2009-03-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this is terrible. I'm completely aware of it. I'm posting it because I actually thought it was legit...and actually had to watch almost until the very end before I realized that it was a hoax. LOL Anyway, it was so funny and you all probably would have figured that out far before I did. I'm so gullable.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/fda_approves_depressant_drug_for

Blah..

2009-03-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

I wish so very much that we could be well. Anyway...not posted in a few days because I've been in a funk. Very weird. I have a lot to say (surprised?) but just don't know where to begin...which is sort of a first for me. I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later.

Anyway, I hope you are all well.

ABC tag

2009-02-26T21:21:00.000-08:00

The rules are :
1. To each letter of the alphabet, write a word connected to you
2. Tag 6 people to do this next.

A - Alive.
B - Believing.
C - Cute. (I say cute because people always say, "Oh, you're so cute" I think Goofy better suited though.)
D - Determined, definitely.
E - Ernestine (my middle name)
F - Family...the most important thing
G - Girlie
H - Hyper
I - Ice cold. I'm freezing all the time!
J - Jon (you can't have one of us without the other)
K - Kind.
L - LOL...I'm always cracking up.
M - Music (once again, you can't have one without the other)
N - Nerdy. Yes, I said it. I'm really quite nerdy...but that's the new cool, in case you were wondering.
O - Outstanding handwriting...unless I'm writing in a chart, then I'm just as bad as the doctors. LOL
P - Professional Appeal writer
Q - Quint (my brother-in-law)...can't think of anything else for Q
R - Reader of all things that are good.
S - Superbad..um, ya.
T - Twilight...I just love those books!
U - Unwavering in my faith.
V - Va va voom lipstick...hehe
W - Weirdo (self professed...um, ya)
X - Xcited, a lot of the time.
Y - You! You are all a part of me somehow, thanks for that.
Z - Zippie.

Ok, so now I tag, Julie, Wendy, Heather, Vickie, Stacey, Teri

Have fun guys! :)

Clothing exchange

2009-02-26T09:08:00.001-08:00

The Relief Society in my old ward just did this and it makes a load of sense to me. Not to mention that I've heard a lot of my friends lately say something along the lines of "I need a new ward robe or I need to get a new outfit". So, I was thinking, what if we did a clothing exchange? We could take clothes we didn't want anymore (taking into account stains and holes...and not bringing those items, of course) or things that we can't fit into anymore (unfortunately I have a few items like that...ok, A LOT of items like that) and put them in a pile. Then anyone can rummage through the stuff and pick what they want to take home. If we get a large enough group of gals who are willing to sort through their crap (treasure) then maybe we can actually do some good here. There's bound to be something for everyone and what no one wants we'll just take to the DI, or Goodwill.

What do you think? Is this a good idea? Am I crazy for even thinking it?

Grocery deals ending today. Sorry! :(

2009-02-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

Here's what I got tonight:

10 bags of Betty Crocker cookie mix
1 gallon milk (filler)
1 loaf bread (filler)
10 tubs Betty Crocker frosting
3 lbs bananas
1 1/2 pouds apples
1 package Peeps (bluck)
10 boxes Chex mix cereal bars
10 Pillbury Cresant rolls (refrigerated)
1 12 count eggs

I should have spent $130.35. With my coupons and store coupons I paid $3.59. That's less than 1 gallon of milk people! Not my best ever haul, but not bad either.

I promise to go through the ad early this week so I can say what deals I'm getting for you all. I've been so swamped that I've not gotten around to getting this done lately. Sorry. From a glance, I can see that Albertson's has some really good deals going on now...so check that out and see what you can find.

My romantic husband

2009-02-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

Last night while waiting for all the kids to take baths and brush their teeth, I decided to sit down and read some Mansfield Park. Then I decided that I would listen to music at the same time (ya, I'm talented like that), but decided that All American Rejects probably wouldn't set the mood for Mansfield and Edmund...so I started browsing through my iPod for the right mood. I was going to go for something like "Clair de lune", but then came across something entirely new to me. Jon must have put a new song on for me, I thought, so I opened up the single to give it a quick listen to see if it was something that would be suitable for reading.

It certainly was.

However, that wasn't what grabbed my attention. The song is "I'd Rather Be With You" by Joshua Radin from the album Simple Times. I gave it a listen and then another. It is very, very sweet.

Jon put this sweet tune on my iPod just for me and it gave me chills. If you haven't already heard this song, look it up (someday I'll get fancy enough to actually add the video into my post, but I've still no clue how to do this). So I sauntered into the bedroom where Jon was watching an episode of some show where they were crashing school busses (I know). Here's our conversation:

me: Jon, that was so sweet of you to put this great song on my iPod. I love it! Thank you! (then I even lean over and kiss him and rub his shoulder)

him: Um, I did? What song is it?

me: Are you serious? Did I just give you an opportunity to be completely romantic and reply something along the lines of, "Of couse, I love you. I meant the song to be especially for you." But, no. (I should note that while I'm on this little rant he can't keep a grin from spreading across his face.)

pause

me: Let me give you another opportunity, honey. We'll start over.

pause

me: Oh honey, thank you so much for putting this sweet song on my iPod! I love it. I can't believe you did this for only me and thought of me the whole time and that you were just showing how much you love me!

him: Ya, ya. I thought you might like it.

So there you have it. My husband is completely romantic...especially when prompted or told what to say. :)

How could I have missed this for so long?

2009-02-23T08:07:00.000-08:00

Drum roll please....

SPAM! Wham! SPAM!

I've never tried SPAM before yesterday. I know, how can I be Mormon and not have tried SPAM?!!? I'll remind you that I am a convert to the church people. I know, how could I have grown up in the projects and not have tried SPAM?!?!? To that I have no answer.

Well, I can't say that I got the full effect because I tried the 50% less sodium, less fat kind, but that counts, right? I tried it because....you guessed it - I got it for free.

I must confess, having never prepared Spam before I was a little surprised by the vast amount of ways it can be prepared. More importantly, however, I decided the way I would try it first was to have it on bread with cheese and mayo.

I was informed after I had already prepared the sandwich that I should have fried it first...at least according to Jon. So here's how it went:

me: Hum...it's not as salty as I expected (probably because I got the less sodium kind, duh). It sort of has the consistency of mashed potatoes, or something mushy mushy...which again wasn't expected.

me (after another bite): This is surprisingly...enjoyable! LOL I don't understand what I was so afraid of!

Then...after eating 1/2 of the sandwich, I had to convince Jon to eat the other half. Why? Because that stuff is rich! I couldn't eat anymore (it might have had something to do with the fact that I had eaten - single handedly - half a bag of Lays potato chips, too).

So there you have it. If you haven't already tried SPAM, you should - it's surprisingly good! I could be the new spokesperson for SPAM.

An the Oscar goes to....

2009-02-22T21:13:00.000-08:00

Who cares? Just kidding. I watched the Oscars only for the purpose of seeing the man to the left. I'm pathetic...I realize this. He looked stunning, of course. I'm not sure, but he may have even washed his hair for the big event (it's sad that that can't be either confirmed or denied). Regardless, he's beautiful.

But...did anyone see Hugh Jackman? Whoa. He's definitely a sight for sore eyes...man, what a hunk!

Oh, and Ben Stiller...amazingly funny! Check out youtube for his performance...just too awesome.

Also, I have to say that I want to see Slumdog Millionaire. I won't watch it because of the "R" rating, but maybe someday I'll get lucky and they'll edit it for TV.

That's my only review. Sheri did a much more thorough review and she's pretty awesome.

Besides getting caught up on Lost, I've read some today and stayed in bed. It's definitely not the office that's gotten me sick...it's the kids. They tend to do that sort of thing. I am starting to get a little worried about Sam's face now though. It's been wiped, cleaned, snotted on so much over the last few days that it's literally raw and bleeding in places. Poor little thing...she's a mess.

Well, enough for now. I hope you are all well and in good spirits.

A sore throat

2009-02-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

(Note, the title of this post was previously "A sore throat and stinky carpet"...however, I've been informed that the meaning behind it could mean something entirely different...and MY innocent mind didn't even conjour up such a thing...so it's now changed so EVERYONE can feel better about it.)

I'm not sure whether or not I have a sore throat because the kids have been sick this week and now I'm getting it, or if it's because of being at the office all day yesterday.

Sometime between Friday evening and early Monday morning 1 week ago, a pipe burst at our office. How it burst is still unknown, but the damages are EXTREMELY horrible. The water continuiously ran until our suite was completely submerged in water, the entire length of the suite below us also completely submerged, and it was beginning to seep down to the 6th floor as well. So...even though we just went through an office remodel...we get to do it again! The carpets are completely ruined, of course, and the walls up to about waist high are torn out waiting to be replaced as well. All of our drug stock was completely ruined because of moisture. Fortunately, all the computers survived, but we lost a lot of stuff. It's really too bad.

Worse still, though...the 7th floor moved over here last year from another building because the floor above them over there flooded and thus flooded their floor. I bet they seriously consider a one room house next time. LOL Pretty awful.

Anyway, the office stinks. Really bad...although I was told that it aired out quite a bit over the few days before I came in. There were these HUGE fans and some sort of air quality devices running all day and it was really loud and crazy at the office yesterday - not just yesterday but all week actually.

Ok, kids are waking up and want food. I guess I better feed them.

Great Quotes

2009-02-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

So, I was browsing around the Lex forum (I'm a complete Twilight nerd)...and found a thread about quotes...here's some great ones:

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." Somerset Maugham

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know." Mark Twain

"Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places." E. Joseph Cossman

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." Miss Piggy

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Unknown

"You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. " Sam Levenson

Ode to Jon

2009-02-19T21:33:00.000-08:00

Ode to Jon

Since it's Jon's 35th Birthday today and he's officially decrepit....I thought I'd give you 35 facts you may or may not have known about the man I love...I'm going to try to get really creative here.

Here goes:

1. He's brilliant. Really and truly brilliant.
2. He's been going to school now for 14 years, at least 1 class per term.
3. Can you tell he never gives up?^^^
4. He plays this game “Old McDonald” with the kids where he takes their hand and makes them rub his beard, which tickles, and then pulls their arm up and tickles their armpits with said beard. You'd just have to see it. So funny.
5. He often wears these flamer pajama pants...they literally have flames on them and I hate them.
6. He's totally awesome at Rock Band II. He could so totally play on Expert, but doesn't usually.
7. He once said another woman's name in bed while sleeping. Ya...it woke me right up! He said, “That woman!” I woke up and said, “excuse me?”, and he replied, “Jackie! That woman has no style.” Um...ok. (We watched earlier in the evening a documentary on Jackie Kennedy...I guess he wasn't impressed with her choice of evening wear that night or something.)
8. He never complains about having to hold my stuff while shopping.
9. He is an avid cartoon watcher/critic.
10. He draws really well.
11. He hates pot roast, which is really too bad because that's one of my favorites.
12. When we were dating he said he wanted to have 8 children! Now he's not sure he wants one...and we have three!
13. He loves to play video games.
14. He's thrifty.
15. He makes some really mean crepes. I mean they blow your mind and curl your toes. So good.
16. He loves all animals. Really loves them...and tries to bring them home with him.
17. He likes peppermint ice cream. Ew
18. He's a huge pack rat! Like big time.
19. He's very loyal.
20. A lot of people call him Richard, in fact, quite a few of his patients think that's his real name. (Long story.)
21. He's a twitcher. He'll be sitting perfectly still and then all of a sudden,#(Q@*&(*#!
22. He's learning to play the guitar.
23. He let me paint his finger nails – once.
24. He loves God. He has one of the kindest, sweetest spirits I know.
25. He can't hold still when he really gets to laughing. I don't know if I can describe it...maybe a cross between someone having a seizure or being tazered.
26. He's super funny.
27. He LOVES that Mountain Dew they have at Taco Bell, but since we don't drink caffeine anymore, we can't even go to Taco Bell because of the reminder/temptation.
28. He still holds a grudge against me for biting him in the back...when I was 2!
29. He's only barfed once since we've been married. I told him not to eat that cheese burger if it tasted bad...he didn't listen.
30. He's a good singer...sometimes.
31. He's really good at board games, but hardly ever plays them. :(
32. He's never “cut the cord” on any of our children. He never felt the need.
33. He's an EXTREME germ-a-phobe. Seriously. Won't even take a drink after me. Weird.
34. He hardly sleeps. He goes to bed sometimes as late as 1am and then gets up every day at 5:30am...crazy.
35. He's my favorite person in the whole world.

Suspicious behavior

2009-02-17T15:29:00.000-08:00

I got a phone call today from the school nurse. It seems I can't go more than 2 weeks at a time before getting one of those dreaded calls. Apparently, Austin's stomach hurt and the nurse took his temperature and he had a fever, albeit slight. I talked with him briefly and he told me how he was so sad that his friend wasn't going to be able to come home after school with him today as planned because he was just too sick. I figure, if the kid knows this, he must really be not well.

I picked him up.

He complains a little in the car, and when we get home rushes into the house and IMMEDIATELY goes into his newly cleaned room and shuts his door. I'm thinking, whoa...going to lay down and actually get some rest without being told...that's a new one. It was only a fleeting thought because before I even make it down the hall I hear banging coming from his room. That banging can only be associated with wall ball. Humph.

I wonder, how can someone go from being so bummed and sick one minute to running all over and playing the next? I've seen it before, but this was record time.

I advise the little twit that he should not be playing around, but laying down and resting. He gripes but does lay down on the couch to watch some cartoons.

Once his brother got home from preschool, all bets were off and he's back to playing and jumping around and behaving like his normal crazy self. At least he got an hour of rest before Alex got home and then I made them both quite down and relax to watch a movie with me while Sam was napping. By watching the movie I mean that they watched the movie and I fell asleep. LOL

Kids, mine specifically, drive me nuts some days.

Boy's room

2009-02-17T00:17:00.001-08:00

I spent hours today, after the boys "cleaned" their room, cleaning the boy's room. I tell you what, I was brutal. I felt like I had no choice. I threw out, picked up, aired out, sucked up so many toys and crap. It's now clean. They are down to two buckets of toys instead of five. I didn't even let them choose...oh, don't get bent out of shape...I didn't throw away anything of consequence.

When Jon got home, we even moved their dresser so they could have a wall free for wall ball. Austin especially would have gotten rid of anything so he could have a wall free for that! I'll probably regret that one soon.

We'll see how long it stays clean. We went over some new rules and they seem to understand them. Rules like, by the end of the day your room has to be clean and picked up...after you're finished reading your books, put them back on the bookshelf. Rules like that. Rules that will prevent their mother from having a hissy fit...as often that is.

Oh, and I also didn't allow a bin for Sam. Although she plays in their room with them all the time, I decided that it wasn't fair for them to house her things as well. So, we moved all of her little things to her room. That one is on my hit list now for tomorrow.

It's never ending.

"Likes To" game

2009-02-15T13:42:00.000-08:00

Likes To game.

Thanks Sheri for this idea, it is fun! Here's what you do:

Go to Google and type in your name with "likes to" in quotations after it (ex: "Rebecca likes to")
Write down the first 10 things that pop up.

Here's mine:

1. Rebecca likes to think about things. (sure do)

2. Rebecca likes to make detailed pencil drawings of the animals she enjoys so much. (um...no)

3. Rebecca likes to say "Every product has a story". (I guess every product does, but I don't say that.)

4. Rebecca likes to read. (spot on)

5. Rebecca likes to spend time with her family while tanning on the beach. (This first part I can absolutely agree to, but the last...not so much.)

6. Rebecca like to spend what little spare time she has reading, traveling and taking cooking classes. (I don't travel very often, and while I enjoy cooking classes I haven't taken too many of those either.)

7. Rebecca likes to party on Thursdays. (You all know me and Thursdays...I'm a crazy woman!)

8. Rebecca likes to think of her stash as a processing backlog. (I have a stash?)

9. Rebecca likes to keep up with the times by maintaining a great web site to interact with her fans, but she's not pleased by everything she sees in cyberspace. (This is so totally true!)

10. Rebecca likes to read, garden and travel. (again with the reading thing, but I do like to garden actually)

Valentine Tag

2009-02-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

Thought this would sort of fun...thanks for the idea Vaxhacker. :)

♥ How long have you been together? 14 years as a couple, going on 12 years of marriage

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating? Um, he's known me, or at least of me, since birth. But we started writing each other while he was on his mission and started dating after I turned 16 and he got home from his mission.

♥ Who asked who out? I asked him out.

♥ How old are each of you? He'll be 35 in a few days and I'm 30.

♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most? His. I only have one brother left, and well since he's quite interesting, and by interesting I mean scary, we don't see him much. Or at all.

♥ Do you have any children together? yep. Three, so far.

♥ What about pets? I'll take a deep breath for this one...our first pet together was a cat, followed by (in no particular order) another cat, a dog, another dog, a bearded dragon lizard, two sugar gliders, an umbrella cockatoo, two chinchillas, another dog, another dog, another dog and another dog. I don't think I'm missing anything here, but I could be wrong. At one time our food bill for the animals alone was over $500.00/month. We currently only have three dogs...thankfully.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Wow, this is a hard one. I think when we both played online video games...we were SO competitive with each other and I got to be better than him...which strained things significantly (only at Quake II, he can kick my butt at anything else). I read now, so things are good. :) LOL

♥ Are you from the same home town? Nope

♥ Who is the smartest? Depends on what you're talking about, but I would say generally he is. I'll never live that down.

♥ Who is the most sensitive? That's a tough one. I show it more, so I guess me.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? Stanford's or Macaroni Grill

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Tennessee

♥ Who has the craziest exes? Me.

♥ Who has the worst temper? probably me.

♥ Who does the cooking? me. If I twist his arm he will once a month or so.

♥ Who is more social? me, of course.

♥ Who is the neat freak? Probably me.

♥ Who is the more stubborn? Jon, hands down.

♥ Who hogs the bed? me (He keeps me off his side by pumping up his side of the bed - we have one of those sleep number beds.)

♥ Who wakes up earlier? Jon (unless it's a day where we both have off together, then me)

♥ Where was your first date? The zoo.

♥ Who has the bigger family? Him.

♥ Do you get flowers often? No, but I don't want them. I prefer to have them living to enjoy them.

♥ Who is more jealous? me.

♥ How long did it take to get serious? After Jon was in the mission field for about 9 months, we both felt a connection. He told his companions he was going to marry me. So, when we finally got to date, it was serious right away.

♥ Who eats more? depends on the day. Unfortunately, since I'm home and have more opportunity to eat more, that means I probably do. Ugh.

♥ Who does/did the laundry? We share that, except I do almost all the folding...he's really good at putting them into piles though.

♥ Who's better with the computer? Jon. He's a genius with anything computer.

♥ Who drives when you are together? Mostly him. Men should always drive...he's better at it than me anyway.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

Hey all, Happy Valentine's Day. Especially to Jon. What a good and loving husband I have. He's the reason for a lot of things, but mostly the reason my heart still hammers in my chest and throat whenever he kisses me. We've gone through, how many...14 years of Valentine's Days...that's really something. I plan to share a lifetime of them with him.

I love you, Jon. :)

Under the Watsons' Porch

2009-02-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Under the Watsons' Porch by Susan Shreve. It as a fast read, faster than most fast reads. Very simply written and easy to follow.

It's about a 12 year old girl who befriends a neighbor boy who just moved in. This boy has a reputation of being a trouble maker, and has moved from home to home over the years. They decide together that they will form a club and invite all the children in the neighborhood 10 years old and younger to join their club. When everyone is gathered together, Tommy (the new kid), explains that the soil under the Watsons' porch is magical. He further explains that when they plant their own special seeds, in 1 week said seeds will produce lollipops. The children return in 1 week and lollipops have indeed appeared.

This book talks a little bit about the pain Tommy has experienced in being shuffled from home to home and about choices he's made resulting from feelings of abandonment. It is about the coming of age of a preteen, Ellie, and how right and wrong, black and white, help guide her, and she comes to realize that there are some gray areas in life, too.

Good read. I recommend it, especially for younger readers.

Christmas Jars

2009-02-11T16:09:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a little late on this, or perhaps right on time. Anyway...this Christmas one of my gifts was the book Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright. Given my extreme fondness of books and reading, this one somehow got lost to me. (Truth be told, it was in my van, buried under papers and garbage.)

I found it this morning and just finished reading it. It was a very quick read and very short, however, the message is huge and the impact enormous.

It is about a aspiring writer who receives a odd Christmas gift, at a time when it is most needed. Determined to find out the gift's origin and the reason for it, she sets out to do just that. This little short story involves characters so intriguing and caring, you can't help but be wrapped up in it. It reminds me to be thoughtful of others, to allow my children the opportunities to be charitable and that the time we have with others here in this life should be cherished and not wasted. That every second matters and each small kindness we allow ourselves to give makes a difference to someone.

Ooooohhh...such a feel good book. I recommend sitting down to read this when you have a box of tissues handy and few minutes to spare (like when you're waiting for your children to eat because they are extremely slow and since you eat like a normal person you have a lot of time to just sit at the table waiting, and waiting for them to finish - for example).

Seriously, a great book. Worth the time, anytime.

Nothing of consequence

2009-02-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Jon got home from work early, which hardly ever happens. So, instead of having to go out at all hours of the night, I went to get my deals early. This was nice for me. Although, I must say that the wait was much longer simply because apparently normal people shop much earlier than I do.

I got some good deals, but nothing particularly praiseworthy, meaning I didn't get anything for free this time. I did get Pop Tarts for .23 each. Not too bad...oh and fruit snacks the same price. I only went through and paid 5 times...I'm such a slacker.

It was good that I went through earlier though because one of the cashiers that I absolutely love needed help watching her little boy today, so he gets to come over and play for a few hours. He's a very pleasant little guy. It's nice to be able to serve her, instead of the other way around for once, even if it is her job to help me.

Alex and Sam were just fighting because we only have one pair of roller skates and they each wanted to skate. (I should inform you that their form of roller skating involves simply having the skates on their feet and standing in place.) They just resolved their conflict by deciding that they would each wear only one of the skates. I think they are beginning to realize that they are surprisingly more mobile with just one skate anyway. So funny.

Ok, now off to getting things done around here.

So funny.

2009-02-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtBxhFc24A

Oh my goodness. I could not stop laughing when I watched this. Sorry I couldn't just post the darn video here...I'm still trying to figure out how to use this blog to my greatest advantage.

Watching this reminded me of an episode when Jon and I were first married. We still had our little Ford Festiva...and I was driving (this was the usual because Jon didn't fit very well in it and it was horribly embarrassing for him to even ride in, so needless to say, driving it was out of the question). I'm sure Jon could tell the story much better than I, but of course he exaggerates A LOT...but here's how I remember it.

We were driving to Cub Foods, before Winco and before coupons, and I happened to see this person (I can't remember if it was a woman or man...Jon would tell you without hesitation that it was a woman) driving crazily. I mean to tell you they were all over the road. I turned my head to gauk and laugh at how insanely funny it was when all of a sudden we were having an earthquake. Ya, it surprised me, too! The car was just jumping all over the road at this point and I was starting to think that maybe that person wasn't driving too crazy after all, given the circumstances.

Well, come to find out that while I was otherwise unobservant in my driving efforts, I had drove up onto the center flower beds. I took out several sweet annuals and if it wasn't for Jon yelling, "What the heck are you doing!?!?!" I wouldn't have turned and realized that I was being a ninnie and the one who was driving like a manic now. Jon was gripping the armrest for dear life and screaming at me to pay attention. By this time, I couldn't even see straight because my tears were clouding my vision.

When I finally pulled into a spot and it was determined that we were unscathed...Jon said to me, "I thought you were joking around until you almost hit that tree!" I was unable to even form a coherent response, all I could do at this point is laugh. I could not stop laughing and Jon just kept looking at me so frostily, which made me laugh even harder! Finally, he gave in and laughed with me. Man, what a miracle that only the flowers were damaged. I'll never forget that...even if I could, I have Jon to remind of it...frequently.

Ouch

2009-02-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

Saturday, Jon and I worked out in the yard while the kids played. It was a lovely day. We were outside for about 4 hours. I pruned our grape vines and about 10 rose bushes. I'm not sure if it was the right time of year for pruning or not, but things were out of control. I wanted to take a chain saw to the apple tree, but wasn't brave enough. Jon climbed our biggest fig tree and really went to town on that one. He pretty much left the smaller fig tree alone. We were going to trim up the shoots on the plum tree that was cut down a while back, but decided not to...maybe it'll grow back someday. We got a lot done.

I wish I hadn't done any of it. Apparently, as it turns out I'm a softy. It doesn't matter that I work out all the time...I still pulled a muscle! I don't even know how I did it...and in my mid-section or side...I can't even tell which. Now, I don't know if you've ever done like, well 1,000 sit ups or crunches at once (ok, bad analogy since I've never done that...not even remotely close - well maybe in my lifetime), but I imagine that is what it feels like. I guess I didn't even realize before how much pulling this one muscle can effect your day to day stuff. Sitting hurts, walking, laying down (although not as much), just about anything hurts because of it. Yesterday it hurt like the dickens, in fact, I stayed home from church because I didn't want to gimp around like a ninnie.

And I guess I even knew the potiential for this, but it hurts even worse today! We tell people all the time after surgery that it can get worse, more swollen, hurt worse, etc. on the third day, so it shouldn't have surprised me...and actually tomorrow would be the third day. Ugh. I so totally don't look forward to pain worse than this tomorrow. Oh well...what do you do? I think I'll just curl up in a little ball and let the misery have me. Sounds good.

The Host

2009-02-05T20:53:00.000-08:00

I finally broke down and read The Host. It was a very good read...slow at first, but very, very good.

What I liked about this book is that there wasn't really, even though there was, a main character. While it is mostly written from Wanda's perspective (an alien who is implanted into a human body), it is also just as much about the other characters around her. Wanda is a character so unlike any I've ever read about, ever. And then Ian, the hunk of a man he is, is so unlike anyone as well. Man...how to even explain this one...you'll just have to read it.

Strangely, I would have never read something like this, but since I enjoyed the Twilight series so much I thought I would give The Host a go because it's written by the same author. But, aliens invading the earth and taking over humans to save them from themselves was a little far fetched for me. It makes sense in the end though, and it's a truly good story. I highly recommend it.

I'm surprised, really..like really?

2009-02-04T07:54:00.001-08:00

Sadly, there are few things that I feel I have a real grasp of knowledge of, but one of those few things is my mom. Ya, she's at it again. I wonder though, did it ever really get under control the last time? I don't think that it did...try as I might, it just got to a point where there was nothing more I could do for her.

I talked with her last night. She was very upset (literally freaking out) because I haven't opened her package yet. (See above) Now, I gave her only one of the reasons for my not opening it and that was that I wanted to take a picture of the package first before destroying it. The other, which I did not share with her, was that it smells of cigarette smoke. So, as with nearly all of my mother's packages I have ever received, I put them on the porch and let them air out for a fews days first. The smell doesn't dissipate entirely, but enough that we can go through the contents.

She was very insistent that the reason for my delay in opening said package was because I thought she put a bomb in it. When I told her that was definitely not the reason, she became irriate with me. She said that she assumed that since people were putting "bombs" in her apartment trying to take her out, that I would assume that someone tampered with my package and put one in mine as well. Oh dear....here we go again.

She then proceeded to tell me that she has called the police several times to report this as well as report that her things have gone missing. Now she is frustrated with the justice system because they are no longer taking her calls...meaning they send her to a "special" voicemail to take down her complaint there. I feel so sorry for the law enforcement there because it won't be long before she starts saying that she's hurt - instead of that her things are missing - just so they have to come out to check on her. Good grief.

She then proceeded to talk of the past...like it was still happening to her as we spoke. This is the part that gets really frustrating to me. No matter how many times I hear of these same stories, they are not the same, but always slightly more embellished. Like when she talked of my brother's suicide last night...it wasn't how it actually happened this time, instead it was my other brother and his friend who ganged up on Walter and took his life. I had to cut her off then. I tried to explain to her that she needed to think about what she was saying and that wasn't the way it happened and she was only going to scare herself if she thought that. She told me that I wasn't there, so I didn't really know. I'll steal a line here, "Oh, for the love of all that was holy, would the catastrophes never end?"

Since the last time I tried to help her - which I might add was the best situation possible for her - it was only to try to sabotage her, so she hasn't given me any information about her doctors or mental health professional since she moved. Now, I know the best place for her is an insituition, but apparently I'm the only one to think that...at least right now I am. (Although I'm sure in a few days time the Spokane police department will back me up here.)

Now, I just have to patiently wait for it to hit me...again. I so totally don't need this right now or ever, but I fear it will be inevitable. Only this time, I hope it's a little easier and we'll get through it quicker on account that I've gone through it so many times.

One thing that occurred to me, just right now actually, was that maybe Dr. B is right. I should write a book detailing all the craziness I've either witnessed or experienced. He thinks I'd strike it rich because people like to read funny crazy stuff to make them feel better. So glad he finds my life amusing.

Poor Jon. This is not something you're supposed to get used to, but I think he is getting somewhat used to it by now because last night when I told him about my conversation he just shook it off and said something along the lines of, "Oh well". Cracks me up.

Oh well. (The picture of the woman on the package, I'm told by the artist, is a self portrait...as for the other two pictures with no description, your guess is as good as mine.)

Just hangin

2009-02-02T16:28:00.000-08:00

Today was a very low key type of day. I hardly ever have those with a 2 year old running amuck!

It was great fun this morning working with both Alex and Sam. Alex has all of a sudden decided that coloring within the lines has its benefits...such as actually being able to see the pictures he's coloring instead of a blanket of one color across the whole page. So, today he brought me a picture with a lot of color detail. It was only very colorful on one side, you could see the guy's hair and then his clothes and a board he was holding, all very neatly colored in and then the other half of the page was blank. I asked him about that and told him it would sure be nice to have the whole picture colored so he ran off to do so. He came back in less than one minute, the other half of the picture was completely blue. Oh well, at least he's making an attempt.

Sam just doodled circles all over a blank page...she threw some squares in there for a little contrast. All pink, of course.

Then, on Alex's free page (blank page he can do whatever with), he brought me this:

How cute is that? Obviously, it's his name...that's him up at the top of the name. Then that little tiny person down below is me...with a rain cloud over my head. LOL He's so funny sometimes.

Ok, gotta get going...have to supervise some homework.

2nd Attempt 25 Things

2009-01-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here's attempt #2 to get this out to you all. I will, indeed, be copying these down so that in the event of another blogger failure, I won't have to re-write everything...again.

25 interesting (or at least things) about me that perhaps you didn't already know:

1. In 8th grade I ran for class president. I thought myself to be the change my class needed, but obviously the majority didn't think so because I didn't win. While most of competition allured the student body to vote for them with banners that read something like, "More soda machines throughout the school!", mine ALL read, "I don't make any promises, I only give results."...now, I thought I was rather clever...but apparently everyone else thought that more soda was the key. (Of note is that we never did get more soda machines.)

2. Also, in 8th grade I made my first pair of pants. They were dark green paisley MC Hammer pants. LOL I wore them once and out of sheer embarrassment never wore them again. It was truly tragic.

3. I dated a little person. He was very nice and sweet, but it obviously didn't work out.

4. I love Robert Pattinson, or maybe just love to look at him... I have no explaination for it. I mean, I find the fact that he only washes his hair every 6 weeks and drinks and smokes repulsive, but once again...I've no reason for his appeal.

5. I promised my brother-in-law that I would never, in a million years, ever wear bell bottoms, and if I did I would pay him $100.00. I am proud to say I never have....there's just something wrong with a little kid being able to hide themselves in a pant leg...

6. I play no musical instruments. I always wanted to learn to play the piano, and I've not given up on that dream yet, but as of now I can't play.

7. I had a hamster, Teddy, when I was around 7 years old. I used to let him run around my room free. One day I stepped on him and broke his neck, thus ending his little life. I was so scared I would get into trouble that I put him back in his cage and told my mom he jumped off his wheel and broke his neck. Later, missing my friend and feeling intensely guilty, I confessed. I felt better, but still sad.

8. I have had only one surgery, three times.

9. I broke my pinkie finger while trying to catch a football. After I realized it was broken I attempted to put it back into place myself, but I only broke it worse. The guy who threw the football felt so wretched he followed me around saying sorry at least a million times. Poor kid.

10. Jon took me to my senior prom. I've no doubt he was the oldest date there. He looked rather dashing in a tux...I'll have to see if I can find a picture so you can see his hottness. :)

11. As a teenager, I was pretty tame. I got good grades, didn't make terrible choices....but one choice I really do regret. Maybe it's because I'm a mom now and am older and can see the error of my ways. I used to drive around North Bend with my friends, without my permit or license.

12. I used to work at Intel. It was a great job, but they had a huge hiring freeze and I got the boot.

13. My stage name if I were a stripper would be Marowie Pine. (I never planned on being a stripper, I don't even like showing my arms above the elbow, but apparently to find out what your stage name would be you take the name of your first pet and then the first street you lived on and add them together.)

14. My favorite place to go outdoors is Gold and Silver Falls, just outside of Coos Bay. There's nothing like hiking up either one of the falls on a spring or summer day. So beautiful.

15. I'm almost always cold, even in the summer. So, a lot of the time if I'm not wearing a jacket, I have on a tank top to help keep me warm.

16. I broke a boy's nose, and another boy's arm. I was mean to the boys...both times were not intentional, however. The first I shoved the guy's face into the drinking fountain when he was getting a drink...he always did that to me! The second boy kept trying to hold my hand while roller skating and I just wouldn't have that so I sort of flung him off me.

17. It is not beneath me to pick up money on the ground, no matter how little. A penny saved is a penny earned.

18. I'm allergic to nylon. Seriously. It's awful because you don't realize how many things have at least a little bit of nylon in them. When I was younger I thought it was worth it to wear pantyhose if I went to a party or something, but then shortly after arriving had to take them off and spend the rest of the time doped up on Benadryl and with legs swollen twice their normal size and HUGE hives. Now I realize it's over rated. Actually, a lot of women have told me that they wished that they had an allergy to them. :)

19. I love to paint. Not anything creative or artsy, just the wall....and usually only one color at a time.

20. I love to read. A lot.

21. I was big in theater when I was in high school. My favorite character played was a multi-personality gal who at several points in the play thought that she was Lassie. My impersonation had the place in stitches...probably from all the butt sniffing I did. Really.

22. I've had a lot of different animals over the course of my life...too many different kinds to even name..I'd probably miss one or two if I tried. My favorite are dogs though.

23. For the last day, I've had to endure something awful....and I realize that it's my fault entirely. I introduced Jon to Old Greg...my life will never be the same. If you haven't already heard of Old Greg...please don't look him up on the net...you'll regret it. Jon has found an "Old Greg Soundboard"...I have heard it played over and over again. He thinks it is the funniest thing. Seriously though, don't look it up...it's disturbing.

24. I love to cook. I like following receipes and making my own. I don't do it as often as I should though.

25. I don't own any dresses...well none that I can currently fit into anyway! I ususally always wear a skirt and top if I have to dress up. Huh.

So that's it. I actually think this list is entirely different from the first I came up with. Some things are repeated...which means that there are more than 25 things about me that I thought were interesting. Weird. I would have never thought. So, now I'm supposed to pick 25 people to do this same thing. Not quite sure I know that many people, here's what I'll do. If you read this and feel so inclined to try it yourself, then do. It's sort of fun actually.

The Girl Who Could Fly

2009-01-31T13:58:00.001-08:00

I sat down last night and wrote out 25 interesting things about myself...and then went to post them and blogger failed me. I lost it all. Let me tell you it was quite a chore for me to come up with 25 things at all, and I decided that since I was so EXTREMELY irritated, it wouldn't serve any real good purpose to just sit back down and start over again...even if I did remember a lot of those things they would have just been put down hastily and my irritation would have shown brighter than any of one of them. I'll try again later when in a better mood.

But, more importantly, I finished reading The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester. A very amazing read. It's about a young girl who figures out she can fly...her adventures in coming to this conclusion and her desire to fight for it. I was so very impressed by the wit and charm of the characters in this book and am a little sad that it was such a quick read. I would have preferred to prolong its wonderfulness. :) I do have to share with you something that I found to have such a huge impact on my heart while reading it...

Piper (the girl who could fly) was about to make her case to her friends and so she dug deep and offered this:

"My ma told me that there isn't anything in this life worth having that comes easy. She told me that every road I walk down's gonna have a price. But what she didn't tell me and what I learned since I've been here is that if you don't choose the road you're gonna walk, sooner or later someone else'll do that choosing for you. Now maybe Myrtle's right and there's nothing wrong with being normal like everyone else. But the truth is that we aren't like everyone else. We're like the way the good Lord made us and wouldn't that be a terrible thing to turn our backs on? I can't promise you that everything on this road is gonna be okay 'cause sure enough every road I've ever been on has got a bend or two and a few hills and valleys besides. I do know this, though - I know that I was meant to fly and I'm not gonna walk out of here, I'm gonna fly out. And I know what road I belong on 'cause I feel it here." Piper pointed to her heart. "So you gotta choose your road right now. And you'll know which one it is 'cause you'll feel it here too."

WHOA, right? Not to mention that Piper is only 9-years-old. I know, I know, Piper isn't real and the author is quite a bit older than nine. Still makes you think about when you figured this out, if you've ever figured it out, or if you're even willing to consider that it's actually true.

I just love good books. I love to read, but when you come across a really good find...it's hard not to want to share it. So, if anyone wants to borrow it, let me know...I'll be happy to share. I got mine at Powell's but wouldn't you know it was the last copy available. I suspect the reason why this book is hard to get a hold of right now is because Stephanie Meyer just put it on her site...that's huge.

Redemption

2009-01-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, so last night I posted the cereal deal a bit too late. So, the screaming hot deal for the week is the Albe's deal using Fred Meyer coupons. The chip deal is this: use one FM coupon 3 bags for $5.00....but, Albe's deal is BOGO right now...so you get 6 bags of Lays chips for $5.00...without any manu coupons.

Deal 2: for the DiGiorno pizzas, use the FM coupon that says you can buy up to 4 for $3.99 each...Well, Albe's has a deal right now that if you buy 4 for $20.00 you get an instant $5.00 off. So, when combined together you should spend $10.96 for 4 pizzas.

I got 6 bags of chips and 4 pizzas today for $15.96...without using any manu coupons (because there aren't any...I checked)...which is a screaming hot deal...especially considering that if you just bought the 4 boxes of pizza the sale price at Albe's would be $15.00 right now...and for .96cents more I got 6 bags of chips. Nice.

Very last minute grocery deal.

2009-01-27T20:43:00.001-08:00

I really dropped the ball on this one guys, sorry. I'll post it, just in case someone reads this before the end of the night and decides to take a trip to Albees.

Get 4 boxes of the Raisin Bran cereal on sale 4 boxes for $7.00...then use the Thriftway coupon with that...the one that says buy 4 boxes of Raisin Bran and get $6.00 off. Without any manu coupons your total would be $1.00 for 4 boxes.

But...if you have the manu's from last week's Sunday paper, use those with it and your doubler and you'll have a $3.00 overage...

I got bananas with my overage and spent $.13 for 4 boxes of Raisin Bran and almost 5lbs bananas.

Sorry for the late post, I'll try to get the deals out sooner. I briefly looked over this next week's ad and there are some deals on the pizza and chips...the chips go BOGO and the pizza can be coupled with another store coupon....

hurumph.

2009-01-27T12:50:00.000-08:00

For once, it would be really nice for us to all be well together. I can hardly remember the days.... We've been battling fevers that come and go, and a horrible cough now for several weeks. Now, today I took Sam to the doctor and she has duel ear infections. It's never ending. Hopefully the antibiotics will help her feel markedly better.

Other than that, we're trucking along. A lot of eventful things happened in the last week, some of which I've already discussed here and others I will not discuss. All in all, however, we're good. Besides this cold stuff, my spirit is high and my heart full.

I really appreciate my visiting teachers. Caitlin was able to watch the boys for me yesterday while I had a situation that I thought would be impossible for me to face alone - since Jon was at work and unable to make it. I had the Lord with me and was able to communicate effectively and it turned out not as bad as I thought it would be...and this brings me nearer to closing this chapter of my life that I don't particularly ever wish to revisit. I'm grateful that I can trust Caitlin and appreciate her service.

But, once again, I'm stalling...a little. I've got to get my work out in, especially since yesterday I didn't. Here I go!

My husband...the punk prankster.

2009-01-26T08:04:00.000-08:00

I came downstairs to putz around online after making a lovely meal. (I was the first one done, I usually am, but I only had to eat dinner...everyone else had to choke back snot and the food...too much information?)

Much to my dismay and horror, I find this picture staring me in the face:

I know, I know...it is sort of funny.

Jon knows I have a fondness for Rob Pattinson...well more of an obsession actually, but who's keeping tabs? Maybe he thought that making this ubsurd picture and putting it on my desktop background would cure me of said obsession? I don't know what goes in his brain most of the time, and I probably know him better than anyone...but your guess is as good as mine right now.

Ugh. It's just so disturbing to look at. Ugh.

Kids in snow.

2009-01-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

Here's proof that my kids played in the snow. Although, it was only for 3 minutes. They started freaking out because it was cold outside and we couldn't manage to get a snowman to stick together. Seriously, they think that the floatie white stuff is over rated.

Late snow pictures.

2009-01-24T13:50:00.001-08:00

The first picture is of our apple tree in the backyard...the second is the bushes in front of our house and the last is our car, nearly buried in snow.

Pictures

2009-01-24T13:46:00.001-08:00

Here's Sam and me. Someone mentioned that they thought it would be cute to see the both of us in a picture since we have the same hair do now...she's so darn cute...even with her cold nose...oh, and you can see Alex popped in there, too!

2009-01-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

I know I've kind of been hot and cold, hot and cold in my posts recently. It's obviously how I am in life right now. I can't help it.

Yesterday, I had a little bit of a wake up call. You could call it a much needed helping hand, an act of God, whichever. I realize now, as I write this, that it isn't so surprising that it would happen at work instead of on the home front, if for the reason that I'm in a completely different environment and new things are bound to happen there. (Please don't get me wrong, new things happen at the Garver household hourly, minutely even...but they mostly involve my immediate family and even though time consuming are not terribly surprising. We all know Sam's fondness of laundry detergent and soap.)

I was helping out a patient, when the phone rang. There, at the time, were two other people who could answer the phone, but I instinctively and without thinking answered it first. The very nice lady on the other end of the phone asked to speak to Dr. Milne. We get calls like this a lot...where people think they can call in and actually speak to the doctor immediately. It's not uncommon, but this call was. I proceeded to do my job and explained that he was in surgery and unable to come to the phone but that I could help her and at least get her information so that he could call her back. She paused briefly and then proceeded to inform me that she was concerned about the need for having one of her teeth extracted and wondered if it was really all that necessary. Again, we get calls like this a lot, too. Knowing that I would have to put on my reassuring cap and getting prepared to do so, she launched into the rest of the reason for her call to speak to the doctor directly. She has just found out that she has terminal cancer. She only has 2 months to live. Her concern was whether or not having this tooth pulled or not would improve the quality of the life she has left.

I softly told her that I was sorry for her news and would give the information to Dr. Milne and he would call her back.

I wrote the simple note for Dr. Milne to find and respond to. And then it hit me. No matter how hard life can get...there is always someone who has it worse than you. I mean, I already knew this, we all know it. I just haven't thought about it for a while. But I thought about it now and I'm grateful that I made it to the ladies room before the water works started. Unfortunately, I realized quickly that it was going to last longer than a trip to the bathroom. I went back to the office and clocked out, proceeded to the break room and wept. I prayed that no one would require anything from the breakroom, because I didn't want to have to explain to anyone why I was so absurdly emotional.

It wasn't that I was sad for this dear woman, I was and am, but that's not the reason for the tears. It wasn't because my life has been thrown for a loop in the last month, or the reason for the loop throwing, none of it came into my mind. I was sobbing because I am grateful. Truly grateful. I couldn't stop offering thanks to my Father in Heaven for the many blessings that are abundant in my life and that I've neglected to recognize or appreciate. I could clearly see His hand at work, performing miracles for me, tender mercies for me and my heart was full. I felt a little guilty, of course, for not seeing this so clearly sooner.

I know I've been trying very hard to be positive and really working towards this...I just needed a little push to get me there completely, and it couldn't have come at a better time.

Hair Cut take 3

2009-01-23T20:36:00.000-08:00

I went in again today to get a bob. The lady who corrected my hair yesterday cut it again today. She's actually quite good. Although she did correct it as much as she could have yesterday, and it did look better, after I washed it this morning and styled it, it just wasn't what I wanted....at all. So, after work tonight I went in and she bobbed it. Now, it is extremely short...I think I lost a total of 7 inches. My neck is cold. :( But at least it will grow out...

Hair cut update.

2009-01-22T23:22:00.000-08:00

Well, no picture to post, I'm sorry to say. If only you could have seen what it turned out like. MORTIFYING!!! I've never, in all my life had a worse hair cut. At least when I was 6 and my mom literally shaved my head bald and people thought I was a boy, it was even...all over even, like clipper guard 3 even. What happened to me yesterday can only be described as hideous. But, since it is somewhat fixed now, I can laugh.

However, this morning, after being told by a teenage boy that it looked like I had a mullet...well I'm sure you can guess....and here's the thing. I'm such a nice person that when, in the chair, I knew it wasn't turning out good, I very kindly told the lady I thought it looked different than I expected. She argued with me telling me that it was what I told her I wanted. HELLO!!?!? Are you KIDDING me?! Why would anyone want that? But, I just put it up in a ponytail and left...after all I had a lot of other things to get done.

Today, imagine my horror, when after blow drying my hair I find it completely uneven and it looks like she tried to give me a bob, but decided at the last minute that she didn't want to follow through with it completely. So, I called the salon and asked if I could come in and have it corrected, they asked why and I said because it looked horrible (which was awfully polite of me).

When I walked in, they IMMEDIATELY knew that I was the one who called. The sweet gal there who corrected my hair, I could tell, really wanted to do a good job for me to correct this mess. After several minutes of looking through some books to see what the possibilities were, she began the correction. She said that if all else failed that she would do a bob, which I honestly don't mind, I just would rather have hair on my neck because it's cold outside. So, she did the best she could and I think it turned out better. My left side, although better, still leaves something to be desired, but she said that since the previous hair cut was so badly done, there was little she could do with that. But, good thing is that if I put may hair behind my ear, you can't really tell.

I guess I really needed a good laugh today. Oh, and you know what? Of course I needed someone to watch my kids for me while I went to get this taken care of, so my friend Theresa very willing agreed. I didn't know at the time that the price to pay for that sweet service was going to be uncontrollable laughter at my expense. I didn't think she would ever stop laughing and the only comfort she could offer me was that hair grows back...nice.

Seriously, it's not that bad....now.

Plans foiled, but that's ok.

2009-01-21T09:55:00.001-08:00

Today I was planning on going into work to get some extra things done that I normally cannot ever seem to get done while only working out of the home one day a week. But...as it turns out, the office has been sort of slow and while the things that I need to work on are still there, they will still be there Friday...and from what I understand I won't have a lot of catch up things to get done on Friday so those other things will get done instead. Yippie...I guess. Does that make sense? Oh well.

Jon will be coming home today at noon, which is why I was going to work, but now that I don't have to, I have a lot of possibilities to consider. So, instead of work things (which I still have some work things to get done at home that I'll do later), I can do some other things that I have been putting off because of time and just because. One of which is getting a hair cut. How very nice for me! :) It's one of those things that I put off because it doesn't seem all that important when I have little lives to cultivate instead or coupons to sort, etc.

Back to the hair...I'm thinking of layers. Now, now...when I think layers, I think very subtle, nothing to drastic...we'll see if the stylist has the same thoughts. If you see me next with short hair, you can assume something horrible went awry and I had no other choice than to chop it off. I wouldn't prefer to do this, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Then, I am going to go pick up my coupons for this week from Theresa. Perhaps later, while watching that addicting show American Idol, I'll sort and cut them to get myself caught up.

Right now though, I need to get my workout in. Blogging is the preamble right...gets my fingers all pumped up...or something like that. Today's plan is to do 40minutes on the Eliptical followed by ab work (I won't even post how very little ab work will be involved since my mid section is incredibly wimpy and it about kills me every time...and then for some days after that). Since I took the month of December off from working out (just when I need it the most) I have to get back into the groove of things again. But, I'm happy to report that since the beginning of the month I've lost a pretty hefty amount of weight, well for me anyway. I guess stress does that to a person, or to me at least.

No more stalling, onto my workout.

What I think and say...pretty much the same...mostly.

2009-01-19T09:20:00.000-08:00

I had a conversation with someone the other day about how incredibly open I am and brutally honest, and I thought it to be interesting indeed and it got me thinking.

Literally, mostly any thought that I have I don't care if it is spoken aloud...which is why when I speak, most people think I have a shoe in my mouth. My mouth, brain, whatever you want to call it, gets me into trouble often...at least I think it does. Those who know me, thankfully, are very forgiving because they know this already. Does it excuse me, maybe...but more significantly I think it has made me lazy. Lazy because I don't put a lot of effort, most of the time, into carefully planning my speech. I just speak what's on my mind. I probably even use a lot of "um's, uh's, er's"...you get the point, it's even possible I use these more than most. Do I care? Sometimes. Especially when I can see that what I'm saying has turned someone else another color or worse...perhaps I'm the catalyst for causing high blood pressure.

So I write, a lot. I do this because it does actually force me to clarify my thoughts. Do I make better since when I write things down...perhaps. Sometimes the thoughts I write are just as confusing as if I were speaking them aloud, but at least I can get the jist of them better.

I should say now that if I write something offensive to you, it's not intentional. When I talk, I often remind the person to which I'm speaking of my disclaimer. It goes something like this: I don't mean to say something that offends, but if I should please know that it is not my intention and I'm just a little slow. Or something along those lines that is equally effective in getting my point across.

There. I feel better. Did any of that make sense? Perhaps I'm overthinking...again. But it's kind of what I do.

On a brighter note, we're feeling better around here. Sam's fever is coming down, although she's still pathetic and clingy. Austin's sore throat and awful cough seems to be less today than yesterday. Alex is, as ever, his rascally self....completely uneffected by the fact that his entire family has felt awful for the last few days.

I look forward to having this extra day to spend with all my kids. I so totally enjoy their company. I'm thinking we'll go outside and play and maybe even have a bite to eat at the park. They would really like that, and the fresh air is always appreciated - even when it's bitingly cold.

2009-01-17T08:26:00.000-08:00

Closure. I wish that I had it; I do have it to some degree, but I need this crap in our lives to be over already. It's very consuming and draining and despite the welcome distractions I find myself thinking about it all the time. I feel tormented...not by what happened initially, just the after effects of that first choice, a choice I never made. I'm miserable because of someone else's choice, and it's not fair.

And I guess, if I had to pinpoint exactly why I'm so down it's because of compassion. I have so much compassion and heart ache for the other party involved in this mess and it's very frustrating that I don't know how they're handling it. I want to reach out to them - to let them know that I geniunely don't harbor ill feelings anymore, but I'm bound by law not to...and being bound this way is maddening and unnerving. So, I can only see, can only feel, can only suspect.

I just want it to end. Who knew that this process was soooo long. And then, completely uninformed! If someone could just give me a time line already!

I've found a lot of peace through prayer and scripture study. I really do feel lifted up and I'm not so worried about myself or family ultimately finding that complete peace, because I know that through the Savior I will find it, we will feel it and know it. I'm just so worried that the other party will not find it, because they don't know how to find it or they think that because of the circumstance they never can find it. I want to share with them the steps I've taken to find it, I want to share the gospel with them to give them hope. From what I can see, almost everyday, they are in pain. It is very real and staring me in the face, everyday - I can't escape it. So everyday my heart is breaking, again and again, for them.

Even though it's not their choice that caused this...it's hard for any parent not to feel responsibility when their children make decisions/choices so heinous. Of course they feel awful. I just wish I could say something to ease their pain, to let them know this is not their fault, that I feel that this nightmare is not something they have to bear alone. That the Savior can help them, too.

I wish so much for them, so much...and I hate that I can't even tell them that, that everyday that I see them I can only do just that, see them, not talk to them. (Which is extremely hard to do when you talked almost everyday before!) I did wave the other day, and I hoped that in the small gesture they saw that I recognize their suffering, and when the wave was returned they recognized mine.

Accomplished.

2009-01-12T13:41:00.001-08:00

I've finally put away the Christmas tree and decorations today. It was a few weeks coming, but I so love Christmas time and thought that if I could but enjoy Christmas a bit longer, I would feel better...it worked somewhat, I guess.

Then, after that, I vacuumed the entire upstairs and cleaned the kitchen. Then I did my work and worked out! I paid bills (anyone see a theme going here...perhaps working off a list...). All of that while listening to wonderful music, the soundtrack of August Rush...an absolutely awesome movie and soundtrack.

Ok, so maybe the cleaning didn't have anything to do with the fact that my house was dirty, which it - admittedly - kind of was, but more to do with the realization that the missionaries are coming over for dinner tonight and I thought it best to entertain them in a cleaner environment. Regardless, it does feel better around here. Now, if only I could will myself to clean my office...but I fear that is simply a loss cause.

Sunday school was very thought provoking. I'm sure I scared Heather, who happened to be unfortunate enough to sit next to me, by my quiet but forceful torrent of tears. She must have thought I was nuts. While the lesson wasn't anything unusual, in my current situation and state, it was very humbling. I was certainly edified and uplifted, although from the look on my face afterwords I'm sure I appeared grieved, or else I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten so many pats on the back and "Are you ok?"'s...and I'm sorry to say that each of those brought on another wave of tears to be reckoned with...only for the fact that it is nice to know that so many people are aware and care.

But, enough about that, I've got to figure out for once and for all what to make for dinner. I'm toying with homemade turkey burgers with all works, or spaghetti...but how to decide on two very wonderfully tasty things?

Grocery deals

2009-01-11T00:31:00.000-08:00

It has been too long since I went and did a big haul...and while I spent a little more than I typically would, I have to consider that the last few months my grocery budget has been next to nothing...even by my standards. I think that I've spent less than $75.00-100.00/month since October, or something crazy like that. So, here's the haul for tonight:

8 Reusable grocery bags
1 10 pack box popcorn
8 Kllgg Fruit Snacks
2 Dots Elements candies
1 2lb Tillamook cheese
1 cubed Tillamook butter
12 pack Condoms
2 loaves bread
4 jars Skippy peanut butter
20 bottles of Ocean Spray cran-grape/cranberry juice
20 boxes Capri Suns
10 boxes Snack Munch variety packs (cookies, ritz crackers, etc.)
Ground turkey
15lbs of Hamburger
3lbs chicken breast
2lbs shrimp
8lbs apples
8 pop tarts
HUGE package Bounty 12 rolls
48 rolls Charmin toilet paper
2 Dove 6 pack soap
10 slim fast 8 pack drinks
6 packages Pampers Easy up pull ups

I should have spent $504.10, but instead I spent $117.68. The diaper deal will be going on through Tuesday people...so get out there and get it at Albertsons...you get any packages of Pampers that are marked $10.00, buy 3 packages and spend $30.00, but you'll get 4 catalina coupons for $5.00 each ($20.00 back)...then roll it if you want to stock up on diapers. There are coupons out there for pampers as well, so if you got them use them...you'll still get your cats back.

All in all, it was a very fun night...took Theresa and I about 3 hours to complete, but we talked and had fun while we were at it...and still made it home before mid-night so as not to ruin our Sunday. :)

Wuthering Heights

2009-01-08T07:43:00.001-08:00

I just finished reading Wuthering Heights last night and I'm going to give you my two cents worth. It was one of those reads where you can't put it down. It's very engrossing, however, I found it quite miserable. I mean to tell you I've never, yet, read a love story so twisted and heart breaking. I know the times were simpler then and very different from now, but come on! The perspective in which the story is told took me by surprise as well.

That Heathcliff character leaves something to be desired for sure. Yes, he is so maddeningly in love with Cathy...to the point of literal insanity, and that is somewhat heart warming...in the beginning. Towards the end, however, his love for her does not excuse his behavior. Only at the very end did I feel any compassion for his suffering at all...well that's not entirely true either...it's hard not to feel compassion for his situation in the love department. I just cannot believe how murderously vindictive he was after Cathy's death. He proves very unwilling to let time heal his wounds.

Cathy, I thought, was very odd as well. She married Edgar simply to better Heathcliff?!?! She said she loved him (Edgar), but I wonder if she really ever did. Not that I condone this type of behavior or would actually really ever even recommend it, but I wonder why she and Heathcliff never just ran off together! It would have been so much better a story for them. Or even if, in the beginning, Heathcliff would have stayed around to hear Cathy's entire reasoning for marrying Edgar in the first place how different their lives would have turned out. How miserable to be in love with someone, with your whole heart, but bound to give it to another.

Only at the very end did you get to feel any true happiness for anyone in the whole miserable story! And then, it was hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that the ones to find happiness in each other were cousins! Like I said, I know times were different then they are now, but that's just weird.

I guess, even though it was miserable and awful, it was a little good. If anything, it gives us a guide on what is definitely not a healthy relationship! LOL There were some lines in the story that were very haunting and undeniably romantic that it very nearly gave me goose bumps, but even those don't excuse the rest of it.

All in all, I'm glad I read it. I'll be starting my complete works of Jane Austen now. I love to read and at least when I do it takes my mind off other matters. But first, I really need to fold some laundry...it's really too bad it can't fold itself.

Patricia

2009-01-05T10:39:00.001-08:00

I actually have meant to write this down when it happened just after Christmas, but got sidetracked. I have to write about it, so it goes on permanent record somewhere because it was just too absolutely hilarious, and I thought that you might get a kick out of it as well.

The kids and I were at the table eating dinner, or maybe lunch - I can't remember which. We were having leftovers, ham, potatoes and gravy, stuffing...the works from our Christmas meal. I noticed that Alex had eaten all of his ham, barely having touched anything else on his plate. Knowing of his fondness for meat in particular, and having A LOT of turkey and ham left over, I offered him some more ham. He eagerly accepted.

After I put the ham on his plate, he picked it up enthusiatically with both hands and very passionately (if you can even imagine a four-year-old passionate) and exclaimed, "Oh, Patricia!"...

Now, we don't know anyone named Patricia, and as far as I'm aware he's not watched any cartoons which have characters named Patricia, but he said the name with such conviction that I have to believe he got it somewhere. Surely he didn't think the pig's name was Patricia.

It completely threw me and I couldn't even stiffle my laughter. It was one of the funniest things I've ever heard him say, and the way he said it...well, I guess you'd have to be there....so funny.

Ah...the power of lipstick.

2009-01-04T20:19:00.001-08:00

I'm not writing this to toot my own horn, so please don't misinterpret...but I just found it rather humorous, actually. I would say 5 days out of the week I wear make up. It makes me feel better and just a little more polished and put together. I do it for me, and sometimes for Jon, I guess.

At church today, I wore make up (a little eyeshadow and mascara and blush...no big thing), and even lipstick. I should say that I almost never wear lipstick anymore because it's just a hassle. The only lipstick that I wear, if I wear it at all, is the 12 hour kind...the kind you put on once in the morning and it's there in the evening...stays on after eating, drinking, kissing...whatever...it's very durable. Well, I just got some new lipsticks because, of course, I had a coupon and they were having a sale at Fred Meyer and I could get two for the price of one...and I think that $10.00 for 1 lipstick is crazy and not worth it. So, since I've been out of my 12 hours lipstick for over a year now, I thought it was a good idea to get some now.

Anyway, you would not even believe how many people told me today how pretty I was. Cracks me up. A few people said that maybe it was the way I wore my hair or the sweater I had on, but that I looked very pretty and nice. Similarly, the same thing happened to me at work a couple of weeks ago, in fact, that time was quite embarassing, because my boss - bless his heart - actually stopped surgery to tell me how pretty I looked and then proceeded to tell the assistants to look at me (during surgery no less) as if he needed back up. What do you say during a situation like that...I got.."um, ya, you look really pretty, Rebecca".

So, advice for all the ladies out there...put lipstick on! Cracks me up, but if you want to feel better about yourself, apparently lipstick is the way to do it.

Also, I'm doing better. So far, it's been two solid days without any attacks. And, today's Relief Society lesson about the Holy Ghost and the how, who, when, why, what's about it was really awesome. Helped put things into perspective a lot, and once again gave me a lot to think about. Heidi is such an inspired woman and I'm so very grateful for her.

Save the best

2009-01-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

It's comforting how in times of stress and heart ache you can find peace, if you've a mind to look for it, or allow yourself to see it, allow yourself to feel it. I'll share with you a song that helped me feel peace, but before I do I should explain something just a little bit.

As most of you know, mental illness runs in my family. My mother has paranoid schizophrenia and my brother, Walter, more dominantly than anything else had manic depression, which I'm sure contributed to his suicide. My brother, Bill, is so totally crazy that I'm not even sure there is a classification for him...to be completely honest. I know at some point during his prison term he was diagnosed, but I've no clue what that diagnosis was or is.

That being said, even when asked pointedly by people in my past why I'm not crazy (and yes, people have just outright asked me why I'm normal) I've never, ever felt like I was actually crazy, or had any fear of becoming so. Until five days ago...well four because it took me a good 24 hours to come to grips with what had happened.

So, one of the things I have never experienced before are panic attacks. They are often irrational and completely maddening. My throat closes up, I begin to sweat, my heart has been throbbing out of my chest and I feel as if I can't take a deep breath. It's extremely scary. I've had several a day, some worse than others, and it doesn't make sense to me.

When I talked to a professional about it - even though my sweet husband and a dear friend have told me in the face of what has happened that it was totally common - I felt completely relieved to know that this was a normal reaction. She even surprised me by telling me that what I did to stop these attacks from escalating was the right thing to do and that most people don't have the ability or knowledge to stop them without outside help, especially if they had never had them before. She told me that I may be even more aware of such things because of my family history, which I had never before considered.

So, I feel confident saying that I'm not going crazy.

But back to the song...one of the things that I've always enjoyed doing is listening to music. It is soothing and relaxing. I found a song, which I'm almost 100% certain has nothing to do with the Savior, but at least some of the lyrics brought me closer to Him, made me think and calm down. The song is "Save the Best" by Steve Reynolds. I had never heard of him before, but apparently you can get free downloads from time to time from iTunes. Jon downloaded this a while back, because it was free (we are so very alike). Anyway, here's some of the lyrics and what I got from them:

Your needs and my needs ain't always in line.
Your wants and your wants but they're not always the same as mine.
And your love is your love, but it ain't always the forgiving kind.
And your ways are your ways, but I hope that you'll keep me in mind.
And your maze is your maze, but I know you'll get through it fine.
And your world is your world, but I know you'll be home at night.

Save your best for me.
Save your best for me.
And we'll lay it all down.

So when I listened to this song - quite a few times - I started thinking. How very often are my needs and wants different than Heavenly Father's needs and wants for me? How often am I so determinely set in my ways that I do not see the way of the Lord? Hasn't the way always been clear, set so perfectly and straight that I would be blind not to see it? Does my maze, which feels ridiculously long and twisted, have any hope to follow the path of the Savior? Will my own journey, completely different from anyone else's, eventually lead me back to where I want to be, where I desire to be?

How can I be better and turn my grief to grace? Well, I've been pouring over the scriptures, trying to make sense of things. Isn't that the best place to find answers? Of course it is! I can't even tell you what passage has helped me most or guided my thoughts more in the right direction because there are too many to list. Perhaps D&C 64: 9-11, or D&C 58: 26-27, or D&C 14: 7, and then Helaman 5: 12...How can I not feel comforted remembering these promises for me? I do feel comforted.

I do see a light at the end of this crappy tunnel and realize that no matter how long the tunnel turns out to be, if I continue to pray and be faithful I will get to the end of it..and on to a different one that I can only hope is bigger and better. Maybe I don't know exactly the right way to feel or be right now, but if I persist I will be made to know. So, I don't know if makes sense or not to anyone else, but this song helped bring me out of crazy, maybe even more than the professional, I'm not sure.

It helped me think and realize the many, many blessings I have, and that most of the time I think that I truly do try to live my life as He would have me live it. Why else would I be able to feel peace now if I wasn't in sync with the spirit? I think I do try to save the best for Him, and I have to have faith that my best is going to be good enough, or that it will be made perfect through Christ - if I allow it.

So many things to think about. All jumbled and scattered, but I'm trying to make sense of it.

2008-12-31T11:17:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here feeling held back, withdrawn. I don't know how to describe it. I express myself through writing. When I put something down on paper, or rather type because who uses paper anymore...I can somehow process it better...no matter what it is.

So, I don't know how to begin. I feel awful. I've never in my life had to process something this difficult...and I've been through a lot of hard things, maybe even more than my share. I would rather live through what I thought was the hardest day in my life up until now a thousand times over than to have to come to grips with what has happened to my family now.

I feel angry, hurt, confused. I feel as if my faith has been shaken. Not my faith in God, or the fundamental things of the church, but my faith in people. How can I ever trust anyone again?

There are unspeakable nightmares every parent has within regards to their children, so horrific and unthinkable that if you did think on these things you would be shaken to your very core. Having to live through this now, I wonder how I'll ever be able to recover.

Part of me, and I'm grateful it is a part at all, knows that I will recover. That through the Savior's love for me, I will heal. But when, and how is unknown to me. So where to begin...

I pray. I pray for my sweet family. I pray that my broken heart will beat properly again. I pray that I can feel my Savior's love. I pray that I can be fixed and though I know I'll never understand why this has happened to my family, I pray that I can be okay with that, that what I will be made to understand will be enough for me.

I don't know how to be. I feel like I have to put on a brave face, but how can I be brave now? I just don't know. I just don't know and I don't understand.

I feel anxious. I'm a very plain facts type of person and in this instant, those plain facts are not good enough, and make me even more confused and hurt.

I finally got some sleep last night. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours. I know I need sleep, logically I can see that we all need sleep. But now I just feel like I've rested to grieve more, to feel more. I didn't know that I could hurt more...at least when I was zombie-like I was more numb and less feeling, and I have to say that I prefer that. However, because I am a plain facts person, I know that I have to try to be normal and sleep and go through all the motions of a routine so that I can, eventually, be myself again.

I just don't know how to be. So now I have to try to process what I need to do, how I should feel. I have to figure out how to handle this impossible situation. I have to figure out how to forgive, and that has always come so easily for me. It's part of my nature to forgive, to see the better part of someone, I've honestly tried to do that. But in the face of what has happened can I ever truly forgive and give myself that peace, that hope?

And then, it's confusing to me that I don't hate the offenser. And it almost seems like I should and that most people even expect me to. Maybe that's good, maybe that is part of healing...maybe that in itself can tell me that I will be okay. That I will heal.

I have to know that because of my faith in God, because I have knowledge of the atonement and because I know that my Heavenly Father loves me so very much - that He will not forsake me. He will provide me now with what I need to pull through. He will carry me through this. I know these things, but do I feel them? I'm not sure.

So, at a time when I value so very much your opinion and encouragements, on virtually everything life related, I cannot tell you now, or possibly ever, exactly what has happened to make me feel this way. So don't ask, because I can promise no answer.

But I do ask of you to pray for my family. Pray that we can find peace. Pray for us.

2008-12-27T00:38:00.000-08:00

I was going to sit down and write about something completely silly, and frankly, uninteresting and unnecessary...especially to the few who actually sit down and read through this rubbish. But I can't. I use this as a journal, quite often and probably more than I should. I, obviously, don't mind that anyone reads it, but I write for me. Sure, sometimes it is to keep people appraised of what is happening in the Garver household, but for the most part I just write what I feel, what makes sense to me at the time, what I want to complain about at the time...whatever.

Oddly enough, however, I feel very overwhelmed right now. I just got through reading parts of a blog recommended by Julie and realized that what I had intended to write about doesn't really matter. In the scheme of things, it isn't exciting, or write worthy. So instead, I'd much rather just tell you that, I love you.

To my good friends, new friends, blogging friends, and family...I sincerely appreciate you and love you. The things that I've learned from you have improved me in ways I cannot even express properly. Words of encouragement when I have been down or sick have come freely from many of you and has been received with a grateful heart.

I know that God loves each of us and our purpose here is to be the very best we can, to endure and return to Him. I often hope that I'm doing it right, that I might be making a difference...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you all have made a difference to me. So, thanks. ya.

Captivated By You

2008-12-19T21:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I love music. Who doesn't? Anyway, I found this song on YouTube and it is so beautiful. One of my "Twilight" friends sent me the link and the video is amateur - at best. Click on it and minimize so you can just hear the music...it really isn't too horrible to watch though, especially if you don't mind looking at Rob Pattinson, which I, admittedly, do not mind. :)

Anyway, the lyrics are below. I think that it's a Christian song and I actually think of the Savior when I listen to it, but that's just me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyttAuK6Htk&feature=related

Your laughter, it echos like a joyous thunder
Your whisper, it warms me like a summer breeze
Your anger, is fiercer than the sun in it's splendor
You're close and yet full of mystery
And ever since the day that I saw your face
Try as I may I cannot look away
I cannot look away

Captivated by you
I am captivated by you
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of your face

Beholding is becoming
So, as you fill my gaze
I become more like you
And my heart is changed

Beholding is becoming
So, as you fill my view
Transform me into the likeness of you
This is what I ask, for all of my days
That I may never look away
Never look away

Captivated by you
Captivated by you
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon your beauty
Fixed upon your beauty

No other could ever be as beautiful
No other could ever steal my heart away
No other could ever be as beautiful
No other could ever steal my heart away
I just can't look away

I am captivated by you
Captivated by you
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty
Fixed upon the beauty
Fixed upon the beauty of your face
The beauty of your face.

Christmas tradition, sort of.

2008-12-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

Many, many years ago...before children, I found this little story of Three Trees. It warmed my heart and every year I read it at Christmas and during the year as well when I stumble across it in my nightstand. I hope you enjoy it. It is very touching, simple and sweet.

Three Trees

Once upon a mountaintop, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked at the stars and said: "I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I will be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!" The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on its way to the ocean. "I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world!" The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. "I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people look at me, they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world."
Years passed. The rains came, the sun shone and the three little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the first tree fell. "Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!" the first tree said. The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong, it is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe the second tree fell. "Now I shall sail mighty waters," thought the second tree "I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!" The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me," he uttered. With a swoop of his shining axe the third tree fell.
The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter's shop, but the carpenter fashioned her into a feed box for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold nor with treasure. She was coated in sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals. The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree as hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river, instead she was taken to a little lake. The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" the once tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God."
Many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night golden starlight poured over the first tree as a woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box. "I wish I could make a cradle for him," her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and sturdy wood. "This manger is beautiful," she said. And suddenly the first tree knew that he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.
One evening, a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree sailed quietly out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered, she knew she didn't have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand and said "Peace". The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew that she was carrying the King of heaven and earth.
One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her. She felt ugly harsh and cruel. But, on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

Facebook

2008-12-17T08:26:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I have joined up with Facebook, but there's surprisingly a lot to muddle through to figure out how to do anything on it. The basics are simple enough for me, but who has the time to delve into it. Maybe all these sorts of things comes easily to the rest of the world and I'm the only one who struggles. Oh well, it just means that I'm doing other more important things...like keeping in touch with everyone here! :)

We're going to be braving the weather today to get Alex to Speech Therapy...that should be fun and exciting. :) Maybe I'll even try to do some Christmas shopping when Jon gets home tonight...I hear a lot of the stores are open until midnight...I'm at my best at those hours. :)

Albertsons Deal

2008-12-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here's what I got tonight:

12 boxes Fiber one pop tarts - .70off/1 x12
8 Packages steamer frozen veggies - 1.00/1 x8
18 pouches of Idaho potatoes (variety) - .35off/1 x18
6 bag Betty Crocker cookie mixes - .50off/1 x 6
7 boxes 40oz Bisquick - .60off/1 x 7
2 boxes Tuna Helper (a filler)
1 Fiber one bar (a filler)

I should have paid $143.80 and I spent $8.98.

I did this by matching each item with exception of my fillers (I left those coupons at home) with a coupon and doubler. I paid twice (zero the first time and then $8.98 the second time)...because Jeremy (the cashier I went to this time), wanted to save himself and myself time by combining orders...I had a total of 10 orders, however.

Not too shabby. :) Oh, and the time it took me to get these deals together this time was crazy because Sam got into my coupons and decorated the carpet with them! It took me two hours just to get them organized again, not to mention then having to sort through them to get the ones I needed for the deals. She's such a helper sometimes. Gotta love it.

Santa picture

2008-12-16T11:55:00.001-08:00

Santa here we come. This was too funny. We decided on the spur of the moment to have the kids have their picture taken with Santa. We planned on them visiting Santa anyway, but since there was no line at all we decided to take advantage of that fact. Mind you, it has snowed here and I believe that is the reason for no traffic at Santa's workshop. Regardless, I thought it turned out reasonably well...considering Sam was freaking out over the whole jolly big guy. She was not having anything to do with him and was cringing away every chance she got and we were lucky to get this picture. Not to mention that the boys had hoods on and their hair is sticking up unnaturally all over....oh, and do you notice that Sam has on two different color shoes? People always ask me if I know that she has on two different shoes, and I am always very aware of it, however, I'm just glad she has shoes on at all and since it doesn't hurt anything I figure why not?. At least she had on two of the same type of shoes and not one dress shoe and a tennis shoe, which is usually preferrable to her. I'll be posting pictures later today of the snow and the kids...or maybe tomorrow.

receipt explaination better?

2008-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

Darn, I don't know if you're going to be able to see this clearly, but this is proof of the cereal deal and maybe it will explain things better than I can. You can't see the 24 boxes of cereal at once on there because the receipt is too big. But you can see how the Acosta deal worked (instant $4.00 savings per $10.o0 spent) and then the $4.00 off 4 boxes of cereal purchased coupon from FM....also, just to think about this, Saturday is the last day this deal will work. It will also work for granola bars, nature valley and fiber one, as well as fruit snacks! :) HOpe that helps.

Grocery deal alert!

2008-12-11T17:02:00.001-08:00

Ok, so for anyone who is interested in getting GM products this week, scope out Albertson's! The cereal is a good deal and coupled with the $4.00 off GM products in the FM ad, you'll have a good deal there...even without any manu coupons you'd end up spending $2.00 on 4 boxes of cereal. Not horrible. I plan to get 12 boxes for free, however. I do this because it makes better sense to me. I plan to use 3 FM $4.00 off coupons, 4 $1.00/off 3 boxes GM cereal and one doubler.

Here's how...the cereal is on sale for 2 for $5.00...but for every $10.00 you spend you get $4.00 off instantly...that brings 4 boxes of cereal to $6.00....then if you get 12 boxes, your total is $18.00...then they will take off the 3 FM coupons for $4.00 off which brings your total to $6.00, then you use 4 $1.00 off 3 boxes manu coupons and your total becomes $2.00...then you give them the doubler and your total is ZERO!...make sense?

I'm so horrible at explaining the things in my head...if anyone needs further help, just call me. :)

I can't afford not to post this.

2008-12-09T10:52:00.001-08:00

I love Stephanie Meyer. I appreciate her brilliant writing. I found this article that she wrote for the December 2006 issue of the Ensign. I hope you take the time to read this.

http://www.lds.org/gospellibrary/pdfmagazine/0,7779,592-6-1-2006,00.html#

Click on the December issue and then look for the article called, "Hero at the Grocery Store".

What sticks out to me is the line, "I could not afford to have my children learn lessons of compassion only from strangers."

Oh, and you might need a box of tissues.

7 important dates

2008-12-07T22:55:00.000-08:00

So, I'm following Julie on this...and posting for my second time today! I guess it beats laying around, which I've done all day because you guessed it...we're sick....again.

"This week’s question asks you to choose up to seven dates (including years or not) that stand out to you for whatever reason. (And please give the reason if you’re willing.)"

December 20th - For several reasons. One, it's my birthday...and even though I've no clue who my father is, I know I was meant to be here and have a purpose. Secondly, I was baptized and confirmed a member of the church on this day, on my 13th birthday! It was incredible and it was my day only, I didn't have to share it with anyone else. My sister gave the most wonderful talk on the Holy Ghost. I remembered seeing a halo above her head during it and thought she was beautiful.

July 19th, 1997 - This was the day when I received my endowments and got married to my sweetheart! We did everything on one day to keep things easier. Before hand I was so nervous and rushing around, and was late for my own endowment/wedding. Jon was pacing in the foyer of the temple. He had rushed so he wouldn't be late and didn't even shave! What's funny about this is that the reason I was so late was because Susan (my escort and one of my favorite people in the world) had only shaved one leg the day before and was staying with me and took forever in the shower shaving the other leg. I think that Dave (Susan's husband and another one of my favorite people in the whole world) was going to kill me because he kept telling me to calm down because I was fidgeting so bad! Everything was so wonderful though. It was a beautiful day.

November 18th - This day, again has a lot of significance to me...Firstly, I started working for my doctors on that day 10 years ago now, and I love my job. Secondly, it was the day I had my first child. What a glorious day! Unfortunately, my labor experience left something to be desired on account of the amount of times I had to be poked, in all sorts of areas on my body, then the hours I spent pushing...only to have a c-section. One of the happiest days of my life.

August 20th - Alex was born. I was so happy. I was really worried that I was going to have to love one of my children less, but my heart just swelled enough for everyone.

March 7th - Samantha was born. She was so lovely. Right after her birth she stopped crying suddenly and the nurse about had an aneurysm...but she just stopped because she was content, and that's exactly how I felt...content. :)

March 22nd - While my sister didn't die on this day, it was the day she was in her accident. My heart broke that day. I had gotten in a fight with her the day before and was staying at a friend's house. I knew something was wrong the next morning, I could feel it. It was unnerving, and my friend kept trying to reassure me, but I wasn't in the mood for reassuring. Then, I got a phone call from a family friend and I remember asking after hearing his voice, "Is she ok?" He didn't tell me anything other than he would pick me up soon and he didn't know. We drove to Eugene and I cried the whole way, I had hoped that she would recover. For four days Terry (her husband) and I sat by her side. I held her hand and sang to her and cried. At one point, she squeezed my hand and I thought she was going to wake up, the emotions that coursed through me then were like nothing I had ever felt. We called the nurse in and they checked her and there was still no brain activity...it was some sort of reflex. My heart wept when Terry, still holding onto hope, asked if we could switch sides so that he could feel her hand respond to his, he kept asking me exactly what I did before I felt her squeeze and he tried all of it to no avail...I sat helplessly watching him realize his beloved sweetheart wasn't going to wake up.

March 30th - My sister's funeral. It was so beautiful. The celebration of her life was amazing. The people she touched in her short 25 years was astounding. There were people there from everywhere! The chapel and overflow and gym were more packed than any zone conference or stake meeting ever! It was standing room only in the back, I believe. Terry worked for Coors at the time, but had also worked at Budwiser and it was comical to see the HUGE trucks in the parking lot (with their various advertisments) and along the road of the church! But she touched so many lives and those men wanted to pay their respect so they stopped in while on their routes. When we traveled to the grave, it was so beautiful. Just a little tiny place nestled deep in the country...if you didn't know where to go you would never find it (I would probably have a hard time finding it now) and its smaller than a football field, by half. Very intimate. Her grave stone was already in place I believe, Terry hand crafted it. He chisled and sand blasted the entire thing on his own, drew the flowers on it and then carefully placed the gold leaf...it is the most beautiful headstone there and the gold against the granite is striking. He layed the brick around the grave and stone just days afterwords and we set concrete on the side for pedestal plants and his hand print is on the right side and mine on the left. She was so special.

So, those are my seven dates...they stick out in my mind when they roll around each year.

way back when

2008-12-07T19:14:00.000-08:00

Hey, something kinda funny. I found this song from a friends site. Took me back. I sang this song at a piano recital when I was 15?...I think it was when I was 15. Such a beautiful song. The arrangement I sang was significantly different, but the words are the same and it's really beautiful. My voice coach knew my voice better than I did, so she changed things around so it flowed better.

I Heard Him Come http://www.imeem.com/people/aEKL1B/music/9gcFtEfo/jeff_goodrich_lds_i_heard_him_come/

My friend Shawna and I were quite the team...she played the piano and I sang. We chose church songs, we had a couple of requests after one recital, we thought we were all that! :) Those were the days.

Just another day....

2008-12-02T23:22:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I have another little mini-coupon class. I'm looking forward to it. Today I got all my coupons sorted and now they just need to be cut. I'll get to that tomorrow at some point....it's very daunting when you have over 1,000 coupons to cut and sort and file....oh well, I'll get there. The Food Day has the $10.00 off $50.00 coupons for Safeway and some other good coupons this week. I've not gotten everything sorted yet, but I'm working on it...there are some really good deals out there...I'm still working out the numbers in my head, but I'm pretty sure I've knocked down the Tillamook cheese 2lb brick for about 93 cents. We'll see if I can get it lower than that after I do some more crunching...for that price I might have to get 10 bricks..or rainchecks.

Anyway, I'm much too tired to continue. Days when you just end up falling into bed and actually going to sleep when your head hits the pillow....awe, very rare for me, but I suspect that will be the case tonight! :)

Turkey Chili

2008-11-30T18:29:00.001-08:00

We all try to find recipes for leftover turkey that our families will love. So, here's what I did with my turkey this time, or at least part of it anyway:

1 pound or so turkey
1 16oz can tomatoe sauce
1 can of diced tomatoes (these were flavored with garlic, oregano, basil)
1 can of white beans (drained)
1 can of kidney beans (drained)
3/4 cup onion (I sauted this with the turkey)
1 large rounded teaspoon of garlic (again, sauted with the turkey)
1 teaspoon basil
2 1/2 teaspoons of Chili powder
1/4 teaspoon of pepper
1/4 teaspoon of salt (I'm estimating here, it may have been less)

um...I think that's it. Anyway, I just put all of that in a pan after I sauted the onions a bit with the turkey and garlic. I let it come to a boil on medium for a few minutes and that's it. It was sooooo good!

Then we had some corn bread with it. To make that I use one box Jiffy corn mix and 1 box yellow cake mix, I follow the package directions for both and just combine them. You have to use a huge pan for this, but just stick it in the oven at about 350 for about 20-30 minutes depending on your oven.

Good dinner. :) I love turkey.

Good people.

2008-11-27T17:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27930688

The first story in the article was so uplifting...there are such good people out there. When you move onto the second, be prepared with a box of tissue...actually you might need it with the first.

I'm very grateful for my friends and family. We had a wonderful meal today and we are feeling better. We have so much to be thankful for.

I can't help but think about Susan (my foster mother..mother of choice...take your pick) today. What an amazing woman. She's very often in my thoughts and today especially as I think of how very fortunate I am, and how much I have to be thankful for because of her example. I sure do love you and can't wait to see you again.

I feel so very blessed.

Thanksgiving foiled again...

2008-11-26T21:38:00.000-08:00

Last year, just before Thanksgiving we all got sick. I think that it's a tradition actually, for me at least, to get sick on Thanksgiving. I know there was a year at some point way back when that I didn't get sick, but it's been so long ago. Not wanting to break that tradition, we are cancelling Thanksgiving again this year.

I'm totally bummed. I know that Vickie, Jon's mom, understands, but man I feel bad. We are truly sick, no more fevers, but we have a nasty cough lingering that just hurts and makes us feel miserable. I know this is something that we cannot control, but come on...it would be nice to get a break.

I'll still make a nice dinner and we'll still do family things, but we just won't have our extended family over, which bums me out. Not to mention that I don't get to try Vickie's Oatmeal cake...and I was so looking forward to that!

Maybe I'll just hunker down and get ready for Christmas and put up our decorations...it's not too early and it would be a fun thing to do.